


Holding Back

by Takianna



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-27
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-17 05:37:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 30,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1375825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takianna/pseuds/Takianna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU story about Obi-wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker and their relationship post AOTC. There is a lot of slash in later chapters. If you do not like explicit scenes, then please don't read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What I Want

Obi-wan Kenobi, jedi master, sat on the edge of his padawan's bed, tired and too sore to really move. He was still limping around thanks to Dooku and the brilliant swordsmanship the man had used to take him out of the fight. He was fine though. He was not suffering as Anakin was at the moment.

Obi-wan had been released two days previous. As master and apprentice, Anakin and Obi-wan even shared a room in the medical wing of the temple because they had been both been injured enough to require medical treatment. As Obi-wan had peered over at his padawan laying in the bed next to him, he could see the tears rolling down the boy's cheeks. It's okay, Anakin was all the older man could think to say, across the space between them, unable to rise from his bed to comfort the boy due to his own pain.

Was it really though? Obi-wan was sure the pain was overwhelming. The boy didn't even have a hand anymore and the stump left behind was a charred mess. He winced at the picture brought to his mind of the flesh that had remained and the pain that he knew Anakin was experiencing although he was sure that they were giving the boy plenty of sedatives to keep him comfortable even in his current state.

Obi-wan had to shut himself off from his padawan's pain in the force because it was far to overpowering and tore him away from his own healing, which took concentration to complete. This was the one time that Obi-wan had to be selfish, or he would never be able to help Anakin through the coming months of rehabilitation. Fix yourself first and then Anakin will need you, he had thought when confronted with the matter.

When Obi-wan had been discharged, Anakin refused to look him in the eyes. He peered at the wall of the room as if the sterile white was somehow more interesting then his own master's face trying to reassure him. Obi-wan's heart sank to his feet at the defeat the boy radiated. There was no way that Anakin could've defeated the much more experienced former jedi, Dooku. Obi-wan should've been there and not lying on the floor languishing in his misery, should've stopped the boy from acting so rashly when confronted with the Sith. Shaking his head in disgust at himself, Obi-wan reached for Anakin's shoulder, but the boy pulled away making it clear he was upset.

_Can I bring you anything from your room?_ Obi-wan had asked in a pathetic whisper. Not the strong master that he normally found himself to be in these situations. Maybe it was because it had never been his padawan in the bed. It had always been someone else's. It was much easier to console another master then yourself. Why did he feel so inadequate, when he knew that Anakin was almost like his flesh and blood? It dawned on Obi-wan then that he was hurting because Anakin was his flesh and blood. His child, although not by name and not by genetics. Someone that he had raised from childhood and nurtured through the hard times in life was now hurting so profusely, that he didn't know how to make him better.

_I wish I could take your pain._ Obi-wan had wanted to say because he really did mean it, but his throat closed at the idea of saying another word to someone who didn't want to hear his words. The room seemed to echo with the failure which his padawan felt. Anakin had thought that he was stronger, more able, but it turned out that just like Obi-wan, he could not take the Sith down. 

_My pillow and the music box._ Anakin had spoken curtly, the words were a mixture of pure hatred and self-loathing. It made Obi-wan cringe at the sound of his voice. So the jedi had nodded and turned to leave, but something was keeping him from actually leaving. An unspoken question he wanted to ask. 

_I don't blame you_ was all that Anakin had said before the door had opened and Obi-wan went to step out. Although the words had come from the boy's own mouth, Obi-wan didn't believe that they were the truth. It was easy to see that his padawan was unable to forgive Obi-wan for the fight although he claimed to. For not always having his back when the chips were down and for his injury. 

_Thank you_ , was all the master could bring himself to say, his voice tightened by the tears he felt he couldn't shed. And then he left Anakin with what he wanted, loneliness. 

Now Obi-wan stood, still a little unsteady on his own feet, and gathered the two items Anakin had requested that he bring. A pillow, that was almost in tatters, but was the one that Anakin had slept with since he was nine years old and a music box, which was Obi-wan's. It was the only thing that his real parents had given him, other then the life of a jedi. Although jedi were not allowed such frivolous possession, Obi-wan had managed to find the trinket when he was a padawan and had liberated it from it's captivity in a storage room of the Temple. 

Anakin liked the music box and had listened to it during the night when he had nightmares as a child. It seemed to soothe him and when Anakin was older, Obi-wan heard the gentle tones of the music box many times during night indicating the boy's need of comfort. He wasn't sure what had weighed on Anakin's mind during those times, but the music box had seemed to quell any anxious feelings that the boy had been experiencing. 

Rubbing his thumb absently over the deep carvings on the oval shaped top of the box, Obi-wan wished for a connection with his family. Anakin was all the family he really had and with the young boy hurting in such a way, it would've been nice to have a little advice from someone who cared so much about a son. Obi-wan grimaced at the thought. 

_You are too attached to the boy._ Mace Windu's voice echoed through his head. I am not. He needs me. He needs me to make sure that the fire that rages in his soul, which we've both felt, doesn't consume the person that we know he can be. The Chosen One. He will not leave us in darkness. 

Obi-wan didn't know how much he had believed the words that poured from his mouth on that day as he stood in front of the Korun master, but now he knew that Anakin was the savior that the jedi had been waiting for all these years. It was the amazing flair the boy had for skirting the rules, but still truly remaining a jedi. It was the balance that prophecy talked about, Obi-wan knew it deep in his heart. The other masters just hadn't realized it yet. 

"Master Kenobi," the commlink in the apartment chirped. "MASTER KENOBI!" 

Obi-wan raced from Anakin's room towards the comm station, noting the panic in the voice on the other end. He slapped the button hard with his hand. 

"Yes?" he asked a little out of breath because running with such injuries was quite difficult, even if he was mostly healed. 

"Medical wing NOW!" was all the other voice said before clicking off. 

What had happened? Bile rose in his throat threatening to spill from his mouth as he thought about the panic on the other end of the commlink. Where was Anakin? Was he still alive? Reaching out through the force he felt for the boy. They had always had a bond like no other master and padawan. This wasn't just the normal training bond that most masters and padawans used, it was so much more. Living inside each other's minds and now all he could feel was blind rage. Rage directed at no one and everyone at one time. Anakin was in trouble. 


	2. Who I Am

Obi-wan ran to the medical wing, his heart racing in his chest thumping harder than he remembered being possible. He barely missed the doors as they slid apart to admit him to the sterile hospital wing. The room was light and bright white, as most medical facilities tended to be, but Obi-wan felt like dread was lurking in every shadow, just looking for a chance to pounce on Obi-wan and claim him as it's own pet. He wanted to shudder, but he wouldn't let his body admit to the fear he felt creeping into his mind. He was stronger in the light and the darkness would be held at bay by him, if it was the last thing he did as a jedi.

Standing over a viewing screen was a small Rodian who's name escaped Obi-wan. He knew that she had been one of the doctors who had treated Anakin in the short time that the master had shared a room with his padawan. He even remembered seeing the doctor coming and going from their room. His mind felt so foggy. His brain knew that the name was there, but because of the rage which poured through the force from Anakin's end and washed over him, his brain was unable to come close to retrieving the name.

"Master Kenobi," the Rodian finally greeted him, after what seemed like an eternity, as she turned from the video screen. She. Obi-wan knew that it was a female name, but still nothing came to his lips.

"Doctor," he said not committing to a name because he didn't want to embarrass himself with fumbling to secure the name. Always the negotiator, he knew how to get around situations that might turn out a little uncomfortable for all involved. He knew how to be very diplomatic, even if he hated politicians down to the core of his being.

She eyed him rather strangely, her eyes stricken with fear. Fear of something or someone that she had just been watching on the viewscreen. Oh gods Anakin, what have you done? The older jedi stepped closer to the doctor trying to look over her shoulder at what she had been watching, but she had either blacked the screen or it was no longer in working order. He couldn't see anything going on in the room where Anakin was seething with rage.

"What is it, Doctor?" Obi-wan's voice trembled under the weight of the words he wanted to speak. What has my padawan done to make you so scared? He couldn't bring himself to think of the atrocities that the padawan might commit when he was in such a state of pure rage.

Rage always blinded you to the truth. Obi-wan knew, he had felt so much rage against Darth Maul for taking his master's life while he watched, unable to help. It had taken him many months to even be able to start meditating again for fear of the way the rage made the force more powerful and would the light ever be good enough again for him.

_This is not about you Kenobi, focus on Anakin,_ his mind nagged as his eyes focused again on the Rodian's pale face.

"DOCTOR!" Obi-wan raised his voice trying to snap the green alien from the fearful gaze she held on the wall just over his shoulder. Her eyes were defocused as if she were somewhere else. If this matter was as urgent as she had made it seem when she had signaled him on the commlink, then he needed information about what his padawan was doing in that room.

"There is a nurse trapped in there with him," she said in a quiet tone which sounded like a leaking of air around a high pressure seal. "Your padawan has decided that he doesn't want to be sedated anymore."

_Not sedated_...then he would feel the pain.

Obi-wan shook his head not wanting to believe what she had said. His eyes began to water at the thought of the pain which must be coursing through the boys veins. It explained the rage. Hurting made Anakin rage against whoever and whatever was near him. Obi-wan himself had been the victim of many punching and slapping attacks when Anakin was a child. The boy had always been unable to deal with the pain in a healthy way like releasing it to the force. Although as his master, Obi-wan had tried until he was blue in the face to convince Anakin that it was the best thing he could do for himself and those around him. Especially those who were his victims time and again.

Obi-wan said nothing and ran to the door that he knew Anakin was behind. Pushing the release on the door, Obi-wan shed his robe and took a fighting stance. If Anakin was going to come out swinging, then he wanted to be ready so that other people and the boy didn't get hurt in the flailing of arms and legs.

As the door opened, Obi-wan was greeted, surprisingly, by Anakin towering over a Twilek nurse who was cowering in the corner. He held a metal tray high above his head and when he saw who came in the door, the padawan pitched the tray against the far wall. The metal against duracreet screamed out in a high pitched groan. It was over in mere seconds, but the sound rang through the small room.

"Well look who's here," Anakin sneered in the direction of Obi-wan. "Here to save the day again, master?"

Obi-wan entered the room calmly and allowed the calmness of his force signature to radiate from his body in hopes of bringing some calm to Anakin. As he approached where the nurse was cowering, Anakin gave him a wide berth trying to stay out of the light. Obi-wan helped her from the floor and pushed her towards the door, begging her with his eyes to get out of the room. She slipped out the door and it shut behind her with a hiss.

He wasn't sure if the hiss came from the door or his lungs expelling air as Anakin planted a kick to his chest. Obi-wan was pushed towards the wall and fell against it with a rather larger bang then he thought possible. He righted himself on his feet and then prepared for another attack. Anakin usually was one to continue with an attack, even if he wasn't sure that the would win. Keep them off balance with multiple attacks, Anakin had always said during their many sparring sessions.

"You have to be sedated," Obi-wan cooed calmly to Anakin as the boy reared his good hand up for a punch. To Obi-wan's advantage, Anakin had never been great with his left hand and he easily dodged the punch. Anakin's hand scraped against the wall just behind Obi-wan's ducking head.

"I WON'T!" Anakin said trying to cradle his good hand against his chest with the bandaged stump of his right hand.

"If you want your hand returned to it's normal state, you have to let them do this."

Anakin stopped and if he could've killed Obi-wan with merely his eyes, he would've succeeded in that very moment. The hate that Obi-wan saw there was nothing like he'd ever experienced from the boy before and he felt a chill creeping from his legs and up his spine. Anakin's eyes swirled in a pattern of gold and red, but there was recognition behind them as if the dawn was breaking inside of Anakin's mind. The blue hews of the boy's natural eyes started to return. The master let out the breath that he didn't know that he'd been holding during the tense moment. The tension in the room started to ease and finally Obi-wan tried a smile to comfort the boy.

He approached Anakin like he was a caged animal that was ready to pounce at any time and reached out to touch him in the middle of the chest, his hand brushing against the boy's cheek before planting over his heart. Obi-wan started to breathe in and out trying to get Anakin to mimic the rhythm. The technique was older, but many jedi still used it to calm each other in the heat of anxious moments.

"Calm you heart," Obi-wan said closing his eyes in hopes that Anakin would follow his lead. This was something they did often when Anakin was anxious about an aspect of his life that he couldn't control. It was their way of finding the center for their meditation together. Anakin's left hand reached across the gap and rested on Obi-wan's chest. The touch of his padawan was warm and familiar. Their breathing began to sync up and Obi-wan finally opened his eyes to regard his padawan who was a mere arm's distance away.

The boy looked peaceful now, at rest. Not the person who had greeted Obi-wan when he had opened the door to the room. See he needs you, Obi-wan thought to himself keeping the shields of his mind tight so that Anakin could not read what he was thinking. Not that the padawan pried, but the bond between the two was so close that sometimes things Obi-wan didn't want Anakin to know, were transmitted as if he shouted them from the mountain tops of Naboo.

"Better, master," Anakin said sighing as if letting the whole world off of his shoulders. His eyes remained closed as he continued to breathe in concert with Obi-wan. They stood in this position for what seemed like hours, but Obi-wan was sure that it was mere minutes.

"Why don't you want to be sedated?" Obi-wan finally asked, approaching the subject with a calmness that only he could have around Anakin. He had a special way of handling his padawan. One that coaxed out the best in Anakin and steered him clear of the emotions that he was so prone to.

"Dreams," Anakin muttered, his eyes never opening, his hand remaining on Obi-wan's chest over his heart.

They had plagued him for so long, that Obi-wan didn't even think twice when it was the answer to the problems Anakin was having.

_Dreams pass in time,_ he had said previously to calm the boy, but now it didn't seem appropriate to respond this way. Obi-wan knew that Anakin's mother had died. The boy had known she was suffering through the dreams he had been having about her. It was a gift of the force to him. The ability to see the future or not too distant future. The force gifted everyone differently. Sometimes it could feel like the gift was cursing you at every turn though.

"You should rest," Obi-wan urged with his voice and through their bond. Healing took a lot from the body and Anakin needed all the rest he could get. The boy looked pale and as though he hadn't slept in days. There were large black circles under his bloodshot eyes. Anakin's hand had begun to shake as it pressed against Obi-wan's chest.

"I – I..." Anakin's voice trailed off into a strangled sob.

Obi-wan ceased being Anakin's master, letting the boy's need drive him and pulled the boy into a tight embrace. Anakin's head tucked neatly under Obi-wan's. The sobs racked his body again and again. They sank to the floor of the room in a tight embrace. Obi-wan wanted to protect the boy, even from the thoughts he was having about his ability to continue as jedi. Because Obi-wan knew that this is what it was about and the dreams were about the events from the dual with Count Dooku.

Smoothing a hand over the boy's short padawan haircut, Obi-wan soothed Anakin like he had when Anakin had been nine years old. The touch of a loving adult, similar to that of his mother's, always brought peace to him as a child. Obi-wan's hand rested easily on Anakin's back, pulling him even closer to the master's chest as the sobs began to subside.

"You will be a jedi for the rest of your life, missing a limb or not," Obi-wan spoke softly rubbing his cheek against the boy's. Anakin's head bobbed up and down in an affirmative nod. No matter what happened, Anakin was the Chosen One, Obi-wan had to believe it because Qui-gon had believed it. Qui-gon had to have been right.

_I will train him master._ The bitter promise he had made Qui-gon resounded through Obi-wan's mind.


	3. Where I Will Go

Obi-wan was roused from his sleep by a string of Huttese swears that would've made even the most seasoned crime lord blush. He shook his head and tried to clear the fog of sleep from his mind as his feet swung over the edge of the bed. Pausing, he waited to see if there was a need for him to go out to the main living area. It must have been the middle of the night, as far as Obi-wan could tell.

Anakin had been home for a couple days and had become tired of Obi-wan babying him. The replacement hand that he had been given was not a permanent one, as of yet, and Anakin was supposed to be learning how to make it work. Unfortunately Anakin was having a rather difficult time with grip and not breaking everything in the kitchen of their shared rooms. On cue, Obi-wan heard the sound of pottery against tile once again and was rewarded with yet another string curses, this time in Basic. Well at least he was progressing in his ability to use language.

He didn't want to rush to Anakin's aid. The more he did, the more his padawan looked as though he hated every last cell of Obi-wan's existence. The doctors had said that he would want space and that he would need to do things on his own again. It was just part of the healing and grieving process. And Obi-wan knew that Anakin was grieving for what he had lost in the battle with Dooku. Obi-wan had to stand back and let him fail so that he could pick himself up again. It was the hardest thing he had ever done.

To let what was essentially your child, fail so many times was something that Obi-wan found rather heartbreaking. He wanted to take care of Anakin and make sure that he was okay. Comfort him at every turn and show him that things would be the same again. That he would be whole. Everyone told him to do otherwise and the master felt as though he was failing at being what Anakin needed. They didn't know how he clung to Obi-wan as he had his mother and now he had failed to protect him against Dooku and was now failing at helping him to recover from a wound that he was inevitably responsible for, or at least thought he was responsible for.

Obi-wan opened his door and padded down the hallway in his bare feet trying not to make a sound. He stopped when he saw Anakin in the small kitchen picking up pieces of broken cup with his left hand. He was a right handed and Obi-wan noted how awkwardly he used his left. Although most jedi were able to use both hands in combat, they still favored one or the other. It helped with fighting styles.

"Aren't you supposed to be using your right hand?" Obi-wan asked emerging from a shadow in the hallway. Anakin looked up at him with eyes that looked as though they hadn't slept in days. His padawan looked gaunt and restless.

"Yes master," Anakin said switching to the golden robotic hand that replaced the real flesh and blood hand that had been there only weeks before.

"I don't want to pressure you."

Anakin screwed up his face with a sour look and then went back to picking up the pieces. Obi-wan walked towards the kitchenette and started to help. He shuffled several pieces into his hand and then stopped when he felt Anakin's eyes boring into him.

"You aren't supposed to be helping me either," Anakin reminded him sounding a little upset. "I can do this, master."

It wasn't that Obi-wan doubted his ability. In fact, Anakin was able to do almost anything that he put his mind to and had a little time to figure out.

Anakin had a knack for being able to pick up fighting styles rather quickly, as he had proved when he was merely ten years old and copied Master Windu's Vaapad fighting style almost move for move. That had gotten Obi-wan several distressed looks from the older master, but he had merely explained that Anakin was good at mimicking another person's style. What Master Windu didn't know was that Anakin could then use the styles that he copied to his advantage when fighting with other padawans. There had been many lectures from Obi-wan about not using Vaapad to best those in the padawan class.

"I know you can do it," Obi-wan said putting the pieces back on the counter and sighing a long and heavy sigh. "I never said that you couldn't. I have faith that if anyone has to have a cybertronic arm, it should be you because I know that you can make it work."

Obi-wan had a faith in Anakin that sometimes went too far to the extreme. It wasn't that Anakin was flawless. In fact, Anakin had been a very difficult padawan to handle in his early years. As he had grown to a teen, Obi-wan had found himself getting the boy out of trouble that he just lived to find. It was a good thing that the master had a good heart or he would've died of a heart attack many years ago.

"Then stop treating me like I'm a nine-year-old," Anakin said and his voice caught.

"I didn't realize..." Obi-wan started and then placed a hand on Anakin's upper arm trying to comfort him. The younger man recoiled slightly from the touch.

"This is hard. Harder then I thought it would ever be."

Obi-wan felt the weight of the room and the thickness of the air as Anakin spoke. There was such a burden on this boy and Obi-wan had to help him find his way from the darkened cloud which surrounded him.

"Tell me about it then," Obi-wan said sitting down on a small couch that faced where the kitchenette was located. He knew that if he could get the boy talking then perhaps things would get cleared up.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Why not?"

"Because I...I don't want to blame you for what happened to me and I know I will."

Obi-wan looked at Anakin's eyes. They were filled with hurt. Hurt for what he held against his master and the things he wanted to say to him. It made Obi-wan want to break down, but he knew that he had to be strong. Anakin didn't mean this and he was just suffering from the trauma that he had gone through. Now was the time to set aside whatever selfishness he had and not let things hurt his feelings. This was therapy for Anakin.

"I know," Obi-wan said quietly. "I know that I should've done better to protect you against Dooku, but I also know that you should've waited for us to attack him together."

"I don't need a lecture, Obi-wan!" Anakin snapped and planted his hands firmly on the counter. He hung his head keeping his eyes from looking at Obi-wan.

"Okay," Obi-wan said rising from the couch and placing a hand on Anakin's back. "What do you need? Everything I do seems to be the wrong thing."

Anakin raised his eyes and looked into Obi-wan's. They were deep blue as always, but more troubled then he had ever seen them. Things inside of Anakin were spiraling out of control and he was losing the grip that he had on making a normal life. Anakin needed to get ahold of himself.

"We have to leave," Anakin finally said. "I need to get away from this planet and all the things here. I need rest and I need a chance to really feel the force."

Obi-wan nodded his head. He had already approached the council about leave for Anakin and himself. Although the war with the Separatists was in full swing, the council felt that having Anakin at peak performance was more important then sending the team into the war separately. Obi-wan and Anakin were stronger as a team then by themselves and the council knew it. They had been granted a month of leave once Anakin's permanent prosthetic limb was in place.

"I've already gotten us leave." The words were softly spoken and Obi-wan raised his eyebrows questioning and hoping this would not cause some sort of outbreak from his padawan.

Anakin's eyes were thankful and a smile spread across his face which was the reward to Obi-wan. He pulled Obi-wan into a hug of unabashed happiness. He almost squeezed his master too tightly, but a smile spread across Obi-wan's face as he felt the force grow bright again with Anakin's warm presence. The feeling washed over him like a warm wave on the beaches of Naboo.

"When?" Anakin asked burying his head in the crook of Obi-wan's neck. A sign of affection from the time Anakin had been a child.

"As soon as you get a permanent hand," Obi-wan said stroking a hand over the short padawan cut of Anakin's hair. He stopped at the padawan braid and tugged.

"OUCH!" Anakin feigned pain and pulled away from Obi-wan.

Obi-wan just smiled and began helping Anakin with the pieces of the plate he had broken. This time there was no protesting from his padawan.


	4. Here I Am

The breeze blew through Obi-wan Kenobi's auburn hair as he stared out at the trees, which grew thickly on the Sanctuary Moon, bathed in twilight. The backwater planet was a nature preserve now, but out of special consideration, jedi were allowed to come here to commune with the force. It was thick in the trees and all the little creatures which dotted the surface of the planet. Obi-wan could feel them everywhere and it strengthened his awareness.

Watching, he saw the Wisties flying back and forth next to the tree top house where Obi-wan and his padawan were staying during their leave of absence. The fiery insects made large loops of incandescent light as they moved in large groups. It reminded him of the streaming cars on Coruscant, but without all the people.

"Beautiful aren't they?" Anakin's voice said softly from behind his left shoulder. Obi-wan had felt him come out onto the small wooden platform mere seconds before. A warm presence which made a small faint smile creep to Obi-wan's lips.

"Uh huh," Obi-wan said trying not to talk too loudly and scare the creatures away. He knew that they were sentient creatures who spoke a strange language of buzzes. He hoped that their talking wouldn't disturb the insects. They were somehow comforting and mesmerizing all at the same time.

Obi-wan waited for them to move further away and then turned to look at his padawan. They had just arrived the day before, but he could tell that Anakin was more at ease. His signature in the force was calm and strong. The plant life and animals seemed to strengthen his connection with the force as it did his master's. Obi-wan was glad that he was feeling better.

"Hand bothering you?" Obi-wan asked and indicated the two fingers Anakin pressed at the base of the new artificial hand he had been given only two days earlier.

"Nothing more than phantom pain."

The doctors had told Obi-wan that Anakin would experience phantom pain now and again. The nerves which had been reconnected would remember the pain which had taken the hand away. They also said that as time went on, Anakin wouldn't have it as often because the nerves would be rewired to the hand. He hoped they were right. Anakin seemed to be suffering more and more of the pain. Maybe it was more in his head now because of how the hand had been lost and the trauma he had undergone.

"Let me help," Obi-wan said and took the boy's right hand in his hand. He turned Anakin's arm over and pressed his index and middle finger on the junction of the elbow. There was a red mark there where Anakin had been pressing rather frequently. It seemed to be just the right spot to take the pain away.

"Better?"

Anakin shook his head yes and then let out a sigh as he looked out over the trees. There was a distance in the boy's eyes. He was somewhere else thinking about something else. Although calmed by the closeness of the force, Anakin still brooded. That, in actuality, was not unusual for Anakin.

"She's upset with me," Anakin said answering a question Obi-wan didn't even know he had asked. Although somewhere deep inside he knew that Anakin was answering what Obi-wan wanted to know about Senator Amidala.

They hadn't talked about it. It was the unspoken Bantha that was always in the room with them. The master knew that Anakin was infatuated, if not more, with the senator. He had been since he was nine years old. At first, Obi-wan had thought it no more than hero worship. She had been a queen and he had watched her as she stood up to the Trade Federation. It was very admirable and Anakin had been very impressionable. Over time it had changed. Anakin was older and more infatuated every second. Obi-wan had warned him that it was very dangerous to hold onto people this way, but he hadn't listened. Now the confirmation had come to Anakin's own lips. There was more going on.

"I know that you can sense that Senator Amidala means much more to me," Anakin said his head hanging under the weight of knowing that he had disappointed Obi-wan. "I never meant for any of it to happen. I just needed her and for things to seem more normal. I needed, how selfish do I sound?"

Obi-wan looked at Anakin. He was the same scared little boy who had made life interesting, to say the least, for the past several years. The fact that the scared boy never went away, was the most troubling of all to Obi-wan. He had hoped that years of training would've changed Anakin, made him more sure of himself, but it didn't happen. No matter how many times he had been encouraged, Anakin always dwelt on the things people perceived as his wrong doings.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want," Obi-wan said sympathetically. In fact, Anakin really didn't have to answer about his personal life unless it was causing a problem. The fact he brought it up made Obi-wan believe that there was a problem. Let go, Anakin! He wanted to scream at the boy, but he kept his mouth shut and his fingers pressed firmly on the elbow letting Anakin express whatever was bothering him.

"I have to tell someone," the boy sighed with resignation that Obi-wan had never seen in him before. As though the world was finally catching up to that scared little boy.

The breeze kicked up again and there was a loud squawk from some kind of bird nearby. The nocturnal animals were coming out as the gas giant set over the horizon. Obi-wan watched as Anakin's padawan braid blew in the breeze, banging against his shoulder lightly.

"We had planned to marry. I encouraged her to have a secret marriage with me. She was against it at first saying that she didn't want to live a lie."

Obi-wan's eyes opened widely at the talk of marriage. Now was the time he had to step in. Stop Anakin from making a terrible mistake. Jedi couldn't have lives like others. There were things that they sacrificed for their abilities which the force gave them. Obi-wan knew all too well how much had to be sacrificed. Anakin knew too because all of this Obi-wan had told him a million times.

"Before you say it, I know that marriage is forbidden for a jedi. I came to my senses anyway. Who would want me? Who would want to be with me? I'm missing a hand, what good could I possibly be? I'm a jedi and how could I ever really be available to anyone?" Anakin said a catch in his voice as the sobs he had wanted to cry were pushed down yet again. "She deserved better and I told her as much. It wasn't what she wanted to hear and she blamed the fact that I lost an arm. She said I wasn't thinking."

Obi-wan was surprised. When had Anakin had time to see the senator? He had been with Obi-wan most of the time since his injury. Maybe she had come to visit him in the medical facility. Somewhere deep inside he felt a jealous streak start to brew. Breathing deeply, he pushed the feelings aside and let them go. Anakin was not his possession, but merely his padawan.

"You did what a jedi has to do," Obi-wan said quietly and released Anakin's hand. "These are the things we give away for being force sensitive and following the code."

"Could you give the code a rest?" Anakin asked with a huff of indignation. The code always made Anakin upset. It was Obi-wan's adherence that made it even worse for Anakin. It was hard to follow such an example, Obi-wan was sure.

"Don't you think we all give up things to be jedi?" Obi-wan asked and crossed his arms over his chest. This was a subject that Anakin and Obi-wan had never spoken of. It was an unwritten rule that masters didn't talk openly with padawans about these types of things. Anakin was more of a friend now then a padawan. Obi-wan felt completely comfortable talking to the young man which now stood in front of him.

"I know the pleasures of the flesh, padawan. I wanted all those things that most men crave. I wanted a family, children and a wife to share in my travels through life. I wanted a house and to know who my parents were, but it was just a fleeting moment."

Honesty was something Obi-wan always felt looked better from a certain point of view. To know that he was telling Anakin that he was truly human, felt good. There should be no secrets between them. Nothing that could jeopardize the relationship they had with each other. Complete trust was something which kept you alive when you were back to back with your lightsabers drawn.

"You?" Anakin asked a smile spreading across his face. "Well I think that makes you almost human, master."

Obi-wan chuckled. For many people, Obi-wan was the epitome of what a jedi should be. His patience was renowned and he knew enough about the force to be a very dangerous swordsman. Many believed that he had never once stepped out of line, but that was not true. He too had been a young man who had wanted the things others had and it was then that he made his choice. Just as the force had chosen him.

"But I wanted the things the jedi gave me more. I wanted to be a master and I wanted to sit on the council. I may not be the Chosen One, but I was chosen by the force to have this power. It would've been a terrible thing to waste what I had been given."

"To think that I always believed that you never stepped a toe out of line," Anakin said clamping his master on the shoulder. It was a jovial time for the both of them.

"If Qui-gon were here, he'd set you straight," Obi-wan said returning the gesture of friendship.


	5. I Am Free

Obi-wan rinsed the final dish in the sink and placed it on the rack to dry. He rinsed and dried his hands and peered out the small window which was located right above the sink. The sun was filtered through the mass of trees and drew patches of dark and light on the balcony of the treehouse. Anakin was stretched out on his back, laying on the wood, eyes closed and arms spread wide as though he were soaking in all the force had to offer. A smile parted his lips ever so slightly.

Obi-wan sighed contentedly. This was what being a jedi should be. Peaceful and calm, feeling what the force has to say to them. In this place it was effortless to feel what most jedi struggled to even get a glimpse of during their lives. Freedom. Freedom from the bindings of the flesh, no matter what the species. Obi-wan felt the freedom coursing through his veins. It made him calm and centered. The feeling was something he hadn't had for a very long time. Maybe since before Qui-gon had died.

Obi-wan stripped his outer tunic off and draped it over the chair to let the sleeves dry. His inner tunic was lighter material and hugged his chest. First he untied the outer tie and opened the flap then untied the inner laces. Slipping his arms from the shirt, he shucked it from his body, folded it and laid it on the table. The warm air caressed his skin and he could feel the warm breeze blowing from the open windows and against his bare skin.

Moving outside the small dwelling, Obi-wan padded across the small balcony and next to where Anakin was still laying, motionless, in the dappled light. They had both abandon wearing their jedi boots and utility belts, opting instead for more casual dress and demeanors. It was relaxing. Yet another form of freedom for Obi-wan.

"Mmmmm, it's warm," Anakin said with his eyes still closed, mouth barely moving. He had sensed his master's approach.

"Feels good," Obi-wan said kneeling down on the wooden planks which were warm to the touch.

"Still not as warm as home."

Obi-wan winced at the mention of home. For years, he had hoped that Anakin would consider the Temple home. To consider where his master was to be his true home. But Anakin had never left his mother behind truly and Obi-wan had merely been someone to fill her place while they were apart. No one would ever separate their hearts. Not even the jedi.

Obi-wan laid down too, his head near Anakin's feet. It felt good to be still and to be at one with the force. A smile parted his lips as he looked through the mass of leaves to see the blue sky beyond.

"How is the war going?" Anakin asked raising up on his elbows.

"Haven't read the reports for today."

Anakin and Obi-wan were not active yet, but they were both being kept up to date on the movements of the army. Obi-wan had poured over the daily military briefings and movements of the legions as they came in. He was especially keeping up with Torrent Company of the 501st, which would be Anakin's charge, and the 7th Sky Corps, which would be his charge. They were merely providing back up for other missions until the two generals rendezvoused with them. He was sure his commander was ready to get down to business and tired of waiting for two jedi to finish their vacations and join the war. There was sure to be some tension between the clones and the jedi because of it.

"Won't be long," his padawan said breaking him away from his thoughts, "until we are fighting."

"You make it sound like something you are excited about," Obi-wan said in a warning tone. Jedi shouldn't be so willing to lead groups of men to their slaughter and that is what this war was turning into. Obi-wan shivered at the thought of having to order so many to do things which he knew would turn out badly.

"War is nothing to take lightly. People will end up like me," Anakin said and raised his right hand indicating the loss of his hand. "And all the padawans who were lost at Genoesis."

Anakin's voice trailed off and Obi-wan rose on his elbows to meet his padawan's troubled eyes. They had both left so many people behind on that planet and it hurt them both. It brought sadness to the older jedi. Innocence was so easily lost in war and what kind of people would they be when they returned from the fighting?

"We won't win," Anakin finally sighed relinquishing any control over the matter. Somehow Anakin had managed to voice the fear most jedi were feeling, Obi-wan included.

"Sometimes we have to do what we think to be impossible," Obi-wan said quietly reciting the things he'd been told so many times before.

The words drifted between the two jedi and floated in the air. Anakin laid back down, the tension evident in his body. Obi-wan didn't know what to say. For once he felt as though he had no answers which would be good enough for his padawan. There were no answers good enough for any of the jedi. Everyone would be scarred and hurt from this war.

"Anakin," Obi-wan said and his voice trailed off. What could he say to comfort someone who was still suffering the trauma of losing a hand and the prospect of going to war all at the same time? These things were very difficult to come to terms with alone, but together they made a wall of things which were too hard to climb for anyone.

"What master?" Anakin's pressured voice came back, but his body made no motion of moving to look at Obi-wan. Maybe he didn't want to look into eyes that were supposed to hold all the answers, but held none of them.

"I'm not making light of anything we are about to do. You know me better than that. This is serious business, but I sense you are nervous," Obi-wan said honestly. "Has the force given you a vision?"

Obi-wan knew that Anakin was prone to premonitions in the form of dreams. It was the one thing that Anakin seemed to excel in. He could predict many things. Dreams pass in time, Obi-wan had said it many times, trying to make Anakin believe it and himself believe it more, but there were things that even the older jedi couldn't make happen for Anakin. Taking his dreams away were one of those things.

"I just ...," Anakin said flatly not committing to a yes or no answer.

There was a pregnant silence between them. Something was bothering Anakin and he didn't know how to tell his master. Obi-wan had always been a sounding board for Anakin and now he felt that he needed to take this burden and share it with the boy.

"I'm scared about going into battle."

It was now out in the open. Anakin's fear of going to war was born of the recent confrontation they had with Count Dooku. Gun shy is what they usually called it in fighters. Not wishing to put themselves back into the line of fire because of a traumatic experience. Obi-wan needed Anakin though even if it was selfish on his part. They were a team and worked much better together than apart. He needed to lean on Anakin and Anakin needed to lean on him.

"You're scared?" Obi-wan asked and moved down to where Anakin's head was and looked him in the eyes. "You have to talk about it with me. Together we can work it out."

"I don't know how...the dreams happen every night. You are there, I am there, but there is no way I can save you. Nothing I do will make you alright. You are dying in my arms and there is nothing that can be done about it. I'm soaked in your blood and I'm screaming for someone to help me...to help you."

Anakin began to sob. First the sounds were strangled in his throat as he tried to keep them from erupting, but the tears started down his face and he let go. Obi-wan, instinctively, scooped Anakin up in his arms, holding him like he had when he was a child. Anakin sobbed like a child letting the tears wet Obi-wan's bare skin.

"Nothing will happen to me Anakin," Obi-wan said stroking the younger man's hair. "I know that you wouldn't let me die."

"What if I can't prevent it?"

Obi-wan pulled away from Anakin and wiped a thumb under each eye letting the tears wet his thumb. Here was the boy he had raised, feeling so desperate that there was nothing he could do to save Obi-wan. Obi-wan didn't need to be saved. If the force believed it was his time to go, then he would go, just as Qui-gon had gone before him. It would be peaceful, but it didn't mean that it wouldn't be painful for those who were left behind. Obi-wan knew that first hand.

"If the force believes it's time for me to go, Anakin, then there is nothing you can do about it," Obi-wan confessed.

"NO!" Anakin said and shook his head. "I can do something about it. I can change it. It won't happen. I can't lose you, Obi-wan. I can't..."

"I always thought I couldn't either," Obi-wan said very seriously, "but time makes it easier. You don't forget those who have stamped themselves on your heart, but the wound does scab over a bit."


	6. I Am Vulnerable

The revelation Anakin had during the day weighed heavily on Obi-wan's mind as the sun set on the Sanctuary Moon. The dreams bothered Anakin, but the revelation of the situation bothered Obi-wan more. His fate, should he let his mind think about Anakin's ability with seeing the future, was sealed. The force would call him home at a time when it would be too much for his padawan to bear and would possibly break the fragile hold that Anakin had on his emotions.

Sleeping was out of the question and now Obi-wan was merely looking at the curtains on the small window above his bed, drifting in the breeze as though they didn't have a care in the world. Concentrating on their rhythm, he thought it would lull him to sleep, that had been almost two hours ago. The darkness was comforting right now as it veiled him from the light. It was quiet where he could spend some time with his thoughts. Although his thoughts always went back to what Anakin had confessed to him.

Obi-wan knew that he shouldn't feel this way. That he should be able to let things happen. The force willed many things to the jedi while letting them have amazing abilities. It wasn't easy to follow what it wanted all the time, but it was a life that he had vowed when he had been old enough to be knighted. Now acceptance was something he would just have to deal with in his mind. How could he assure Anakin that it was okay, if he didn't accept it himself?

From down the hall, he heard the sound of a familiar song coming from Anakin's room. The music box. It turned out Obi-wan was not the only one who couldn't sleep, the tinkling of the notes signifying that Anakin was awake as well and seeking comfort.

Quietly the jedi master rose from his bed and walked down the hall to the doorway of Anakin's sleeping quarters. The sound brought a sense of calm to Obi-wan. It was a peace he couldn't explain. It was as though the song knew him. An ancient song perhaps passed from one of his kind to another and somehow was encoded in his very DNA. Obi-wan felt as though every cell in his body was singing along to the music.

"I know you're out there," Anakin's weary voice came from the dark room drowning out the sound of the music box for an instant. Obi-wan didn't know that he had been leaning against the wall listening to the music box play. His heart was beating a mile a minute and he found himself breathless.

"Can't sleep either?" Obi-wan finally asked after a brief silence to catch his breath.

"Nope."

Obi-wan moved into the doorway holding onto either side and peering into the dark room. He could see Anakin hugging the pillow, the one he took everywhere, against his chest and the music box laying next to him. It continued to tinkle the song of generations. It was a sight Obi-wan had seen many times before, but something about this time was different. Anakin seemed more vulnerable then he ever had as a child.

Obi-wan's heart broke for the boy and it broke for himself.

The master jedi sat on the edge of the bed and sighed a tired sigh that was far beyond his years. It's what his heart was feeling. It seemed that all the struggles of the past few weeks were finally weighing on him and the impending entry into the war also weighed on him.

"Would it help if I told you I was scared?" he finally asked and looked at Anakin. Those blue eyes were the most troubled eyes he had ever recalled seeing. He held up a hand to stop a response from the padawan, right now he didn't want to debate the feelings of an old jedi.

"I'm scared for what it will do to you," Obi-wan clarified. "I'm being brutally honest with you because I know that you can handle it. I don't fear my end, but I fear what you will have to endure when I am gone."

They both knew that Obi-wan was the one thing keeping Anakin afloat in a dark sea that threatened to swallow him whole. Anakin had been told many times of this fact. It had always been against Obi-wan's wishes because he feared that his padawan would fulfill that prophecy of being dark because that was what was expected of him and that he would make no attempts to make the right choices so that he could continue to bask in the light.

Obi-wan reached out a laid a hand on Anakin's shoulder. A touch between two people who were the most important thing in each other's lives in this moment. A touch which meant so much to them both because now they shared the same physical realm, but soon Obi-wan may not be able to calm Anakin through a physical touch. Time and space would separate them. Obi-wan would be dead and it would be his padawan who would be left behind to pick up the pieces.

"Master," Anakin started, but Obi-wan stopped him. There was a time to protest, but here in the dark of the night, he couldn't let his ears hear the things that Anakin wanted to say. Obi-wan wanted there to be peace. Peace in his mind and in his soul.

"Let's just enjoy what time we have together," Obi-wan finally said and tried to smile. "I know that it will be fine. You will be fine because I've been there."

Obi-wan had seen his master cut down and didn't want that for Anakin, but if that was what the force willed, then it would be. The memory of eyes which cried out in pain and shock was something you didn't recover from easily. That was the kind of pain Obi-wan didn't want Anakin to have to carry with him.

"Master don't talk this way," Anakin said rising from his laying position to look at Obi-wan, their limbs entangled in each other's. "I won't let you go, I can't let you go."

"That is where you are wrong," he said tapping Anakin gently on the nose in a playful gesture. "You can let me go and you will when the time comes. I've trained you well and I know that you wouldn't let me down."

Anakin shook his head "no" and tried to stop his master talking. He reached up and placed his finger against his lips to stop the words from continuing from them. Obi-wan relented and closed his mouth, his eyes giving Anakin admonishment without a word escaping him. He always had a way to do that to Anakin, although he didn't always have to try very hard to admonish Anakin. It was something that came rather naturally.

"Listen to me," Anakin said his voice a mixture of pain and forcefulness. "This isn't something I can let happen. I haven't really been truthful with all that I've seen."

There was more that threatened to bubble from Anakin, but he was holding it back, trying to spare Obi-wan from whatever pain he thought it might bring to his former master. Obi-wan was strong though. Stronger then he had ever hoped he could be when he was faced with a young child to train and master who wasn't even cold from the grips of death. That strength was what was keeping him alive now. Keeping him putting one foot in front of the other and not turning back to feel sorry for himself. Teaching him not to hide from the truth and what it inevitably brought with it.

"Then tell me," Obi-wan said. He was tired of having to pry everything from Anakin. He should be more open with the one person in his life who really listened. The one person who really cared what he was feeling. Other jedi may throw it off, but Obi-wan cared what was going on with Anakin. How could he not? They were closer than any two people could be. They lived together and trained together and ate together. They were one.

"Master," Anakin started his voice wavering in the darkness. "I think I do that to you. I think I'm the one who kills you."

The shock was evident on Obi-wan's face even in the pitch black of the room. No. Anakin couldn't be responsible for what would happen to him. It wasn't possible. He felt a shiver of cold wave over his body and the hair on his arms stood on end. Maybe he hadn't heard what Anakin said correctly.

"I don't think I heard you," Obi-wan said his voice almost a whisper. The tension in the room roiled as he felt Anakin lean closer to him.

"It's me," Anakin said in a whisper that matched Obi-wan's. "I will do it."

Obi-wan was off the bed before he could think. His eyes were blinded by something he hadn't experienced in a very long time, fear. How could the person that he had poured all of his time and effort into be the one who struck him down? How could that be? Why would the force play such a cruel joke on him?

"Master," Anakin called after him as Obi-wan sought a place where he felt like he could breathe again. Where this weight would be lifted from his chest, but nowhere could he find a reprieve.

And then arms were around him, stopping his blind movements about the small tree house. They were strong and beckoning him to let it go. Stop the madness and feel whatever he wanted to feel. That was when Obi-wan broke from the jedi he had always been, to a man who really did feel.


	7. I Am a Master

Obi-wan had risen early in the morning, leaving behind the small bed that he had shared with Anakin in the night. They had spent the night in each other's arms and company because neither wanted to be alone in the darkness with the knowledge of what had been spoken between them. Something though had been tripped inside of Obi-wan, a feeling that he wanted to block out. Maybe he wanted more from Anakin than just to be together as padawan and master.

As Anakin's master, Obi-wan should've known better than to be so vulnerable and let Anakin know that he truly was feeling scared about his impending death. It was his job to be strong and tell him that it was okay to go and be with the force. Obi-wan wanted to be the one who guided their path and didn't mire them down in this situation. Now he didn't feel like he was that strong. Obi-wan felt as though he was the quaking teenager who had held his master as he died and that wasn't the person he needed to be for Anakin.

He stood still, looking out as the gas giant was breaking over the horizon. The orange glow filling the trees with light which reflected off the glass in the treehouses' windows and off of Obi-wan's eyes. If only Obi-wan could think of something besides what Anakin had confessed to him and the way he was feeling about his padawan. If only there was a way to erase that from his mind, but there wasn't. It was something Obi-wan would have to deal with and let the force go on the path that it had predestined, even if it meant he would die.

He was unable to control everything and he knew it, but he didn't have to like it.

"You're up early," Anakin's voice said from behind him, talking in a very subdued voice, which was unusual for the padawan.

Obi-wan nodded, afraid of what his voice might do should he speak in Anakin's presence. There was so much he wanted to say and so much he knew that he shouldn't even let escape his lips. Maybe he had said too much already and that was the problem. The relationship between padawan and master should not be as open as Obi-wan had been last night. It was inexcusable and he would have to punish himself for it later.

"Not talking to me?" Anakin asked again in a thick voice which indicated the hurt that his padawan felt. Obi-wan could feel the irritation rise in Anakin's signature in the force and knew that he was turning to leave, but he didn't want Anakin to leave. That, in fact, was the opposite of what he wanted. He knew that he shouldn't want Anakin to stay like that, but he did.

"I'm talking to you," Obi-wan said, his voice unsteady at first, but returning to its normal calm and reassuring sound. Somehow he found strength inside of himself and the force.

"Look," his padawan said in a rush. "Do you want me to take back what happened between us? Well I don't want to Obi-wan. It's what I wanted. It's what I needed and I'm not afraid to admit it, but I know that you are."

Obi-wan turned from the sunrise and looked at Anakin. This time, he really looked at what his padawan was and had become. Anakin was no longer the child he had raised. He was a young man who had grown much taller than Obi-wan. He was so much more than just a jedi and the chosen one. Anakin felt in a way that most jedi, including Obi-wan, kept buried deep inside. He let it out without restraint and sometimes without thought of what would happen. Obi-wan was jealous of his ability to love without question and feel without shame because sometimes he thought it would be easier to be that way.

Had Obi-wan always just seen what he wanted to see in Anakin and not what everyone had always seen? Was he now seeing what Anakin really was and what he really wanted from him? Obi-wan shook his head trying to clear it. It was no use.

"Anakin this isn't about changing what happened between us. It was nothing that you did wrong, but it I should've known better," Obi-wan started and then stopped rubbing the palm of his hand against his head in frustration. "This is about what I shouldn't be talking with you about and things that are very inappropriate for us."

"What?" Anakin asked pointing back towards the room where they had slept. "I've slept in the same bed with you a million times. What makes this time different? You're my master."

"Exactly."

"I don't understand. I've shared your bed on numerous trips and when I've had bad dreams. You've never acted this way before."

"I have let my guard down and that is what makes the difference. I should not let you know personal things about be that compromise our relationship because our relationship should be a working one. I should know better and I apologize."

Anakin eyed him and then raised his eyebrows in understanding. It was as though a glow panel turned on in the younger jedi's mind.

"This isn't about me, is it master? It's about you and your feelings," the younger jedi said as it dawned on him and a smug smile started to spread across his lips.

"What are you talking about?" Obi-wan spit at him, hurt that Anakin thought less of him, but also knowing that he had been found out.

"But..." Anakin stopped and then looked at Obi-wan as though he was putting pieces together in his mind. "I'm not your type, am I?"

Obi-wan covered his face with his hands. Had he been so transparent in the past few days? Had he really given away every secret that he thought he had locked safe inside of his own mind?

"Wait," Anakin said backing away like he'd been struck by a speeding air taxi. When his back met the wall he stopped and looked at Obi-wan again.

If there was a time in the older jedi's life when he wanted to crawl away and disappear into the force, it was now. The look on Anakin's face told the whole story and Obi-wan didn't know how he would ever get out of this.

"It's not like that Anakin," he finally said trying to repair whatever he had destroyed in the past two minutes. "This is born of something completely different. Sometimes, when people serve together and are wounded, there becomes a bond which some would say is sexual. Don't worry...I would never act on feelings for you, even if they weren't born out of a shared experience under duress."

"I just never thought I would be the apple of your eye master," Anakin said crossing his arms over his chest in a defiant yet smug way. Obi-wan thought that Anakin was enjoying this just way too much.

"Don't act like you're so happy to have something to hang over my head," Obi-wan said and crossed his arms over his chest.

"It's not that I have something over you," Anakin said winking. "I'm just glad you finally came around."

"What?" Obi-wan asked looking at Anakin with surprise on his face. Wasn't he supposed to be the one with the deep dark secret? Why was Anakin always one upping him?

"You heard me."

"You can't tell me this Anakin. I don't want to know. It'll only compromise what we have as master and padawan."

"Then my lips are sealed," Anakin said and locked his lips with a little gesture and then acted as though he threw away the key. Obi-wan rolled his eyes and then turned back to look at the sunrise.

"It won't do any good to deny it though," Anakin said before turning to go back into the house.

No it wouldn't do any good to deny it, but it would make Obi-wan feel better. If he could just hold on until they were back in service. There would be other things to occupy their time and he wouldn't have to worry about all these feelings that were inside of him. He could just deny it forever.

Anakin though would make it rather difficult to do that and would grin the whole time he was giving Obi-wan a hard time. Oh, this was going to be unbearable.


	8. Into the War

Obi-wan felt the hum of the cruiser under his booted feet. The armor, which had been issued to the jedi, still felt raw against his skin. He didn't like the way it felt and wished to have back his regular set of tunics, but they had been tucked away in his quarters, awaiting the day when he would return to Coruscant and resume his assignment as a peacekeeper and not a general.

The starlines of hyperspace stretched out through the viewscreens as Obi-wan's mind wandered to the Sanctuary Moon where he and his padawan had spent several weeks on leave. What he wouldn't give for peace and quiet now. It was too bad they had to leave and come back to this war. The implications for the jedi were staggering. Now they were the muscles of the Republic and it didn't sit right with Obi-wan.

"Whatcha doing?" Anakin asked from beside him. Obi-wan had not been paying much attention to what was going on around him and his padawan had used the element of surprise. Obi-wan would have to talk to him about sneaking up on him, but that would have to be later. They were heading into battle at the moment.

The master felt every muscle in his body contracted as he thought about the impending fight. Anakin seemed to feel more at ease with what they were about to do, but Obi-wan didn't feel like this was what he was meant to be doing. It would be a struggle that he would have to contend with for the rest of the war.

"I'm considering what we are about to do," Obi-wan said letting his hand wander to his chin and rub his beard. A smile spread across his face as he thought of Qui-gon and the way his own master had done the same thing.

"This will be an easy run," Anakin said easily as though he had already seen the outcome of the battle.

"Nothing about this is easy, Anakin. Nothing. It's something that I've been dreading ever since I boarded this ship."

"Don't worry. I've always got your back."

"That is what I'm afraid of at the moment."

Anakin laughed easily and placed his mechanical hand on Obi-wan's shoulder, giving it a little squeeze of friendship. Although Obi-wan was sure that it was more than just friendship. Anakin hadn't let him forget that he knew his secret and had been taunting him in private since they had gotten into space.

"I'm going to go down and get the clone troopers ready," Anakin said and turned to leave. "You want to come down and talk to the troops."

Obi-wan shook his head no and then returned to looking out the viewport. Anakin left quietly. Although his absence made something inside of Obi-wan ache. It was like there was a hole inside of him when that bright shining signature in the force wasn't around.

...

Roughly he pulled the armor from his body and stripped down to his shorts. They had spent the whole day mopping up on the planet and Obi-wan felt that he was covered in grime from head to toe. All he had wanted to do was get back to his quarters and get in the shower and clean off.

Anakin swaggered into the quarters they were currently sharing, mud smeared across his face from where he had been wiping away the sweat, Obi-wan thought. The war had changed the demeanor of his padawan, giving him more confidence in his ability to lead and his abilities with the force. Obi-wan wanted to remind him that pride always goes before the fall, but held his tongue. Jedi learned things through mistakes. He just hoped that mistake wasn't killing Obi-wan.

"Well I see that I'll be waiting for the shower," Anakin said winking at his master as he sat down on his cot and started pulling his mud encrusted boots off his feet.

"I won't be long," Obi-wan said grabbing his towel and heading into the very small refresher. It was almost too tight to even turn around in. There was a small shower, a sink and a toilet. If you turned around, you might bump your backside on the other wall.

"You better not be," Anakin called after him.

Jumping into the shower, Obi-wan wanted to stand there and just let the water pour over him, but when there was someone else waiting, it just wasn't the right thing to do. Quickly he soaped up his hair and then began washing the dirt and sweat from his body.

Suddenly the door opened and Obi-wan saw Anakin through the steamy door of the shower.

"Not done yet," Obi-wan called out over the sound of the shower.

"Let's conserve water," Anakin said and opened the door, popping his head into the shower where his master stood soapy and wet.

"I don't think that is appropriate," Obi-wan said trying to cover himself from the prying eyes of Anakin although he knew the young man could see anything he wanted in his imagination.

"What? It's good for the water supply. We are on a ship," Anakin said raising and eyebrow of what Obi-wan thought might be approval at his master.

"I know where we are, but this just is not right."

"Live a little. I'm lonely, you're lonely. Well we could be not lonely together."

"OUT!"

The door snapped shut and Obi-wan was sure that he heard Anakin cursing in Huttese as he left the refresher. Whatever was on his padawan's mind, Obi-wan didn't want to know. There were just things that were forbidden. It didn't matter how they felt. It didn't matter what the body desired, but it did matter what had to be done to serve the force correctly. He was sure that he had taught his student much better, but it seemed that there was another lesson that he needed to give him.

Finishing up quickly, Obi-wan dried and then wrapped the towel around his waist and went out into the main sleeping area of the cabin. To call it a sleeping area was rather a stretch of the imagination. There were two cots, one on top the other and a small computer terminal for the occupants to access information vital to strategic planning. They were in rather close quarters to say the least. It now made Obi-wan rather uncomfortable that there was no where to go.

"I'm sorry," Anakin said holding up a hand before Obi-wan could lecture him. Although he was sure that Anakin would just shrug off the lecture anyway, Obi-wan made sure to give a slightly disapproving look.

"I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable," the younger jedi said and he stood there with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. "There are just these feelings that I'm trying to work out. I know that you probably don't understand..."

"I do," Obi-wan admitted. Anakin stopped and looked at his master.

"Don't make fun of me."

"I'm not. I've felt these things before."

"Before?"

The astonishment of his padawan's voice was not lost on him. Obi-wan sighed and sat down on the lower bunk, his bunk, and rubbed a hand over his face. The story wasn't one that he had shared with anyone but Qui-gon. It had been very personal and it wasn't something that you discussed with others. It still twisted his heart when he thought about it, but maybe telling Anakin would be helpful for the young man's feelings. To know that another felt the same things, might ease his distress just a bit.

"You know that I'm rather close with Quinlan Vos," Obi-wan started slowly trying to judge what his padawan was thinking behind those blue eyes. He didn't feel like being judged, but this was important to share.

"Well that closeness is born of a relationship that we had as teenagers. I know that it probably comes as a shock, but we carried on together for many months, but his master and my master put an end to it with heartbreaking results for both of us."

Obi-wan sighed and looked at Anakin who stood there with a rather mild expression on his face. He didn't look surprised or upset, he just looked. It sent a shiver up Obi-wan's spine.

"Say something," he finally said the younger man and stood from the bunk, almost bumping his head on the top bunk. There was a need in his heart to hear what Anakin had to say about the relationship.

"You had sex with him?" Anakin asked in a very blunt way.

"Of course," Obi-wan said putting his hands on his hips exasperated that this was the only thing Anakin could think to ask. Obi-wan had just shown a very secret part of himself. It was still a very raw place for him.

"Did you love him?"

"Jedi do not love, but you could say that there will always be a place in my heart for him. I know that it was just teenage love now, but I can understand what you are feeling."

"I don't think what I feel is teenage love," Anakin said rather sternly.

"I didn't mean it like that, but you have to know it will end in heartbreak."

"I'm willing to take the chance."

"But I'm not Anakin. I don't want to jeopardize our master and padawan relationship."


	9. Hurt

Obi-wan couldn't do anything but lay where he was and try to hold the pain away for just another minute. Blasted droids! He hadn't seen the one that shot him in the leg and now his leg was shattered and bleeding heavily. He had called for a medic, but they were all busy caring for those in their vicinity. They would work their way towards him, but Obi-wan would just have to wait and the wait was killing him.

"They are headed this way," Cody said bending down to speak over the sound of the continuing battle. Obi-wan nodded at him, but the grimace on his face surely gave away the fact that he was in terrible pain. He just had to hold it a bit longer or so he was telling himself.

"Anakin," Obi-wan managed to squeak out from between dry and cracked lips. He wanted to make sure that Anakin was okay and that he hadn't suffered a fate far worse.

"Don't worry, sir," Cody said patting Obi-wan on the shoulder. "He has been informed, but he is tied down in the valley."

Obi-wan groaned and he wasn't sure if it was from the pain or from the fact that Anakin was tied down and needed his help. He should be up and helping fight, not feeling sorry for himself.

The medic swooped in quickly and was busily working on Obi-wan's leg. He was thankful that the medic had come so that he could release the pain. It also helped that he got several injections of pain medication. He felt his head starting to swim a bit.

"He's ready to transport," the medic said placing a tag on Obi-wan's forehead. It was how they marked the wounded on the battlefield so that they would know which patients were priority and which could wait just a little while longer.

"How long?" Obi-wan heard Cody ask. The clone was good, he hadn't left Obi-wan's side since he had been injured. That was dedication.

"He's second wave," the medic said packing things up again and rushing off to yet another person who was in need.

"Go help," Obi-wan said patting Cody on the forearm. He was starting to feel drowsy and was sure that he was safe. There was no reason to keep an able bodied clone here when he could be helping to clean out some droids and perhaps shorten the fight.

…

Anakin was running at top speed through the hallway of the makeshift hospital. The Republic was getting so good at putting these structures together in mere hours to help address the wounded on the ground before transporting those who survived back to the ship. It was a marvel and very sickening in the same thought.

"Slow down," Cody said from behind, chasing him towards his destination. Anakin didn't heed the call and continued to run towards where Obi-wan was still in surgery.

"They aren't going to let you in anyway," Cody called as Anakin was almost out of earshot.

Anakin didn't care because he needed to be where his master was and that was in surgery somewhere in the twists and turns of the medical facility. He could feel Obi-wan just out of his reach, just on the brink of consciousness. Somewhere he was going to be waking up and Anakin wanted to make sure that he was there. He had to be there.

…

"Awake?" Anakin asked leaning over the bed and smiling at Obi-wan.

"Barely," Obi-wan said weakly. It was hard to even form the words with his lips feeling as strange as they did. He had been warned that he would feel strange, but this was very strange indeed.

"Well I'll take barely after the scare you gave me," Anakin laughed. It had been a jarring experience to hear that Obi-wan had been shot. The only thing he could do was fight harder so that he was done and could get back to Obi-wan as quickly as possible. The force had guided his hands so that he could finish what he had started and finish it quickly.

Obi-wan chuckled and reached up and tussled Anakin's hair, rather weakly, but it was still an expression of affection to his padawan. The grin on Anakin's face was all the reward that he needed at that moment. It felt good to have someone there who was worried about him. Normally it would be just the opposite and he would be the one worrying about Anakin after some crazy stunt that he pulled.

"How long until I'm out of here?" Obi-wan asked.

"Well," Anakin said clearing his throat. "That's the thing. You aren't gonna be out of here for a very long time. It seems that there was a contaminated batch of bacta and you are going to have to wait until a supply line can be secured to ship more in."

"WHAT?!" Obi-wan asked, his voice louder then he intended it to be.

"You are in line for the tank, but the tank is not operational at the moment. They are saying at least two weeks, but that is just an estimate depending on how many more men are found to be wounded. They are still clearing the field."

"I don't want to stay here."

"I thought you would say that and I've secured the doctor's permission to return you to the ship, but you will be under my care."

Obi-wan rolled his eyes. Anakin was sure to be gloating over this for years to come. He saves your life a couple times and you never hear the end of it, this would just be pure torture.

"Other options?" Obi-wan asked a smile cracking his face.

"Oh, there are no other options. I'm all you've got," Anakin said chuckling.

"Why do I think I'm going to regret this?"

"Because you always seem to and I can't understand why you don't trust me."

….

Obi-wan had barely been lucid when he was transferred onto his cot in the room he shared with Anakin. The pain medication was a blessing. It kept him from worrying and made sure that he slept through all the injustices that he was sure Anakin was committing.

Today though, Obi-wan was rather awake and he couldn't understand why, but he sat at the head of his bed, propped up on pillows and watched as Anakin tooled around the room.

"Need anything?" Anakin asked as he piled several pads together on the desk and then moved them again when he didn't really like where they were.

"I'm fine," Obi-wan said not wanting to bother Anakin. "I could look over some of those technical reports though and status updates."

"Yeah," Anakin said turning and putting his hands on his hips and scolding Obi-wan like he was a child. "Nice try, but you aren't supposed to be doing anything that has to do with the war. They aren't sure your mind is quite right yet. I mean I could've told them that, but you know they don't listen to me. They think I'm the one that is a little off."

Obi-wan was taken aback by this different Anakin. He hated to think about it, but maybe war agreed with Anakin. That was something that a jedi should never feel. It was a rather serious thing to think about. How do you wield such power, but still remain a peaceful being. It was something Obi-wan struggled with daily. He was sure Anakin struggled with it every single minute because that was just the type of person Anakin had always been.

"You are rather happy today," Obi-wan said looking at Anakin with that look that was reserved for a padawan who was doing something incorrectly and needed some correction.

"Master," Anakin said flopping into one of the chairs. "It's nothing."

"I think it's something."

"I don't want to talk about it. You are too injured to have to worry about me."

"What is wrong?"

"Well, for the first time ever, I'm enjoying being a jedi. Is that so bad?"

Obi-wan shook his head no. It wasn't bad that Anakin liked being a jedi. Sometimes it just took some time to really find your place in the order, but Obi-wan still felt that it was for a far different reason.

"It's not bad," Obi-wan started off saying. "It's just that I want it to be for the right reasons. Maybe you find a different path in the force or something that really enlightens you. I don't want it to be that you wield your lightsaber leading troops into battle."

"Inner peace is sometimes elusive," Anakin said sighing. "You know that. I haven't had that kind of peace in my life."

"That's what I'm afraid of hearing from you. I want to make sure that you have the kind of peace you should have," Obi-wan said putting on his best master voice. He hadn't used it in awhile and he found that he was getting a bit rusty with the whole thing. He was sure that he would get the hang of it again soon.

"Don't lecture me while I'm taking care of you," Anakin said shaking his head.

"Then would be the appropriate time?" Obi-wan asked and crossed his arms over his chest. Anakin sighed and leaned forward, placing his head in his hands. Maybe Obi-wan should've thought about what he was saying. Anakin was just trying to be open with him and he wanted to make sure that the openness continued. Obi-wan had found that Anakin was rather difficult to read sometimes and having him actually speak freely was a rather different take on their relationship. Maybe he should just relax.

"I'm sorry," Obi-wan said uncrossing his arms. "I want you to feel free to talk to me and perhaps I've been a bit too judgemental."

Anakin looked up at Obi-wan with a softening of his features. Obi-wan knew that he could put on a very tough exterior and sometimes it he couldn't get through it, but somehow, with this mere apology, Obi-wan had reached Anakin.

"How's the leg?" Anakin finally asked rising from the chair and coming to sit on the edge of the cot. He lifted the blanket to peer at the bandages which covered the wounds on Obi-wan's leg.

"It hurts, but the medication helps to dull the pain," Obi-wan admitted. "Wish I would've seen that droid."

"You can't see everything," Anakin said replacing the blanket gently on Obi-wan's leg. "We aren't all knowing."

"Shouldn't we be though?" Obi-wan asked genuinely. There were many questions that jedi faced along their journey. Most would think that as a master, Obi-wan would know the answers to most of them, but it was just the opposite. The more he learned about the force, the more questions he had about what it truly meant to be a jedi. The war didn't help either.

It raised all kinds of questions about the role of a jedi should be in a military state or in action against another group of people.

"Peacekeepers," Obi-wan said aloud. "That is what we are meant to be. It's what the force intended for us. With this type of power, we have to be careful just how we wield it when dealing with others."

"True," Anakin said looking at Obi-wan. The look made him a bit uncomfortable. "But also we have to defend those who cannot and chose not to defend themselves from the pain and suffering of an unjust group of beings."

Anakin knew what to say, Obi-wan thought, but did he really believe in the tenants he had been taught over the years he had been in the temple. Regurgitation wasn't something Obi-wan was interested in at the moment. He really wanted to know how Anakin felt about what they were going through.

"Do you ever thing that the force has plans for you?" Anakin asked leaning closer to Obi-wan as he spoke.

"Yes," Obi-wan said raising his eyebrows. "It has a path for all of us to follow. You just have to listen to it and find out what you are destined for."

"I'm destined to kill you," Anakin said.

"Then what are you waiting for?" Obi-wan asked.

"I'm not sure."


	10. Healing

Obi-wan had been placed in bacta for two days after his leg was re-broken and set so that it would heal strongly. The pain of the re-break was something that he hoped he would be able to forget, but he knew it would always be seared in his mind.

"Phantom pain," Anakin said as he watch Obi-wan rubbing the healed leg.

"What?" Obi-wan asked, snapped away from his thoughts by Anakin's voice.

"It will pass in time," Anakin said rising from the chair and sitting on the small cot with Obi-wan. Anakin moved his master's hands away and started to rub the spot where Obi-wan's leg had been injured. "Better?"

He nodded and laid back on the cot letting Anakin rub his calf. Obi-wan knew that the younger jedi knew all about being injured and the pain associated with it. He was sure that Anakin would always remember the pain of the Dooku's lightsaber cutting through his flesh. The master jedi was sure that the pain he was experiencing now was nothing compared to that anguish.

"Thank you," Obi-wan sighed and let the tension fall away from his body as Anakin continued to rub the spot which felt like it was still on fire.

Anakin had been away for several days while Obi-wan had been in the bacta tank. He wasn't sure what the younger jedi's assignment had been, but his grim demeanor was indication that it didn't go as well as planned. Anakin was under strict orders not to talk to Obi-wan about the war and what was happening. The older jedi would be returned to service soon enough and he would be updated at that time. The council wanted him to concentrate on healing for the time being.

"Things not go well?" he asked looking at Anakin who was looking off into the distance with eyes that seemed to see, but not something in the room. He was evidently replaying the scenario over in his mind of what had happened.

"They could've been better," Anakin said not committing to anything. His hands moved up Obi-wan's leg to his thigh and continued rubbing. Although the jedi master didn't hurt there, it still helped to relieve the tension in the leg, which he had been babying for such a long time.

"You want to tell me?"

"No."

Obi-wan grimaced at Anakin and sighed loudly. "I would tell you," Obi-wan said and crossed his arms over his chest as though he was a roles of master and apprentice seemed to have become reversed since Obi-wan had been injured.

"Wait," Anakin said stopping to look at Obi-wan. "Weren't you the one who was saying there were some lines we shouldn't cross as master and padawan?"

"Yes, I'm the master asking you, the padawan, to tell me more," he said and looked at Anakin. It seemed like ages ago when they were alone on the Sanctuary Moon and Obi-wan had said things that maybe he shouldn't have at the time. He felt as though he had been a different person altogether at that time,he had felt so connected to the force and to his padawan. It was too bad that war had taken that from them so quickly.

"I'm sorry _master_ but the council doesn't want anything to interrupt your healing," Anakin said and smiled at him. "I mean I have to follow their orders."

Obi-wan snorted at the idea of his padawan following anyone's orders let alone a suggestion. He especially hated when the council had some sort of edict to hand down to him. The older jedi knew far too well that Anakin was just trying to make Obi-wan pay for what had transpired between them before.

"Fine," Obi-wan finally said laying back on the cot again. "Do as you think you should."

He laid there and let Anakin continue to rub his leg, content with someone taking care of him, but upset that Anakin didn't want to share more with him. He knew there had to be a line between them, but why wouldn't he talk more about what was happening in the war and not leave Obi-wan wanting for knowledge about the troops and tactics of the council.

_"Wanting?"_ Anakin asked into the silence. Obi-wan gasped remembering that with the powerful connection between them, Anakin had a fast track to what he was thinking. He could not afford to leave his guard down like this, but he was just going to remember to pull his guard now, he was just going to have to explain what he meant.

"Stay out of my mind," Obi-wan said pointing an index finger at Anakin and smiling a playful smile. It was a habit for him to always be a master and always teach Anakin through life lessons. It was his job to impart all of his knowledge to Anakin along the path of their life together for as long as they were to be master and padawan. Now was as good a time as any to remind Anakin that someone's mind was their own and to stay out of thoughts that were not his. Jedi had to learn their boundaries very early on. The temple abounded with thoughts from so many different individuals that it was sometimes hard to think of a time when you couldn't hear another's mind.

"You were broadcasting it to me," Anakin said. "It's not like I had to dig around and try to find it. You made it too easy!"

"Still," Obi-wan said. "My thoughts are my thoughts and yours are yours. I only really use that connection when we are fighting. That is what it was meant to be used for."

"That's what you say it was meant for," Anakin said his eyes following his hand as he massaged further up Obi-wan's thigh. "I say that it keeps us balanced and really could be used for other things."

Obi-wan forgot how the darkness threatened to step through the threshold of Anakin's soul at any moment. He knew that his padawan was always in a precarious position when it came to dark and light. Obi-wan had to be careful what he was going to say. He never wanted to cut Anakin off completely, but there were some things that needed to be private for his own sake.

"What kind of other things?" Obi-wan asked enjoying the massage and noting that the phantom pain was starting to dissipate from his leg. The older jedi was thankful for the respite.

"We have the ability to communicate in a way that others can only imagine," Anakin said thoughtfully. "Why shouldn't we use it to our advantage?"

Obi-wan touched Anakin's hand briefly and sighed. "Show me," he finally said.

Anakin's eyes brightened and he released Obi-wan's leg. Moving closer to Obi-wan on the cot, Anakin reached up and placed his hand on the older jedi's heart. As if an unspoken command had been given, Obi-wan reached across and placed his hand on Anakin's heart and closed his eyes. Their breathing became synchronized and together they sank into the depths of the force. They were one here, working together towards a common goal. Obi-wan was calm and protected in the force's warm embrace. How he had missed this calmness in the past few weeks. Being hurt had been the only thing he could focus on during those weeks.

Obi-wan followed Anakin through in the force and together they stood in front of a large door. It was made of polished wood and stood gleaming with light that Obi-wan believed glowed with the essence of what the force was made up of, but he could not be sure. Things were different in the realm of the force and everything looked different to each individual.

_This is what I'm talking about_ Anakin said through their bond.

_You've been here before?_ Obi-wan asked in return.

_Many times._

_Alone?_

_Always_

The doors parted and Anakin walked into the glowing light of the room beyond. Obi-wan followed him and they were now standing in a stark white room and there was nothing inside, just four stark white polished walls that seemed to close in, yet stretch for infinity.

_This is a place where we can communicate without speaking. If we both picture this room through the force, we will always be able to find each other._ Anakin explained. _Here we will be able to speak with each other no matter the distance and space between us. Something that has been impossible for most jedi, until now._

Obi-wan felt himself nodding his head as Anakin explained. It was very strange for the physical body to be in one place, but the spiritual body to be elsewhere. As a jedi, Obi-wan spent many years learning to reconcile these feelings and wasn't sure even now that he was all that used to it.

_No matter where you are_ Anakin said wordlessly, yet with words, _I will find you._

Obi-wan was taken for a split second at what Anakin had said. It was more of a demanding promise rather than a mere statement by Anakin. It made the older jedi feel a bit uncomfortable as if Anakin were trying to possess him from the inside out, starting with his mind.

_Stop Anakin,_ Obi-wan said through the bond, but he wasn't really sure that he wanted the younger jedi to stop. Something, deep in Obi-wan's soul really wanted to feel that he was possessed of another being. To have that kind of relationship that he had taken so prematurely from him with Quinlan and to have it with Anakin. Obi-wan grimaced at the thought.

Those thoughts though, were something that he couldn't give into, even if he wanted to with every cell in his body. They were thoughts a jedi should never have, especially for one that was so close to him. Possessions were forbidden and Anakin knew it, but Obi-wan knew as well that Anakin was not always one to follow the code. Obi-wan had to be the strong one here. He had to show Anakin that some things were just too far away from the code to even be discussed.

_What are you afraid of?_ the younger jedi asked flippantly, the tone of his words somehow very sultry and dark all at once. _Maybe you fear that you will like what I have to offer more than a jedi should. You shouldn't fear such things, master._

_Stop!_

_You don't want me to stop, do you?_

_Stop!_

Obi-wan felt Anakin's hand move from his chest and start to caress his cheek. He tried to back away and opened his eyes, snapping himself from the world of the force. Anakin was closer on the cot than Obi-wan had remembered him being before they entered into meditation and there was no where the older jedi could escape to. He was trapped.

"Stop," Obi-wan said out loud. Anakin just shook his head no, letting his hand linger behind Obi-wan's neck and his thumb caress the older jedi's cheek. They were so close now that he could feel Anakin's breath on his face. "We can't."

"You can't," Anakin said thickly and darkly moving closer to Obi-wan. "I can."

Their lips met and the world felt like it was tilting under Obi-wan. He reached a hand up to Anakin's should, grasping it to try and hold on.


	11. Dominated

Anakin easily had Obi-wan where he wanted him, but Obi-wan was just trying to get away from the younger jedi. He struggled against the kiss that Anakin continued to give him, pressing him further into the cot. He had no where to run and didn’t want to use the power of the force to push Anakin aside, that was something he wouldn’t do to Anakin.

Anakin wanted to dominate him, Obi-wan could feel it seeping through the force and he wouldn’t give up until he owned the older jedi. It sent a shiver running up Obi-wan’s spine.

“It’s not right,” Obi-wan finally said when Anakin had taken his lips away from Obi-wan’s and the older jedi could finally speak.

“You keep saying it’s not right, but there is no proof,” Anakin breathed heavily against Obi-wan’s neck. “Just let it happen. Let me have you.”

Obi-wan felt the darkness rearing it’s head through the force as Anakin spoke. Was he to be merely a conquest and possession? It wasn’t right. It would never be right. It would tear them apart, if Obi-wan somehow gave into the younger jedi.

Could he just stop fighting the boy and give him what he wanted, hoping that he would be sated from further attempts? There had been so many signs that this would come to pass, but Obi-wan had been a good jedi and ignored all of those signs, hadn’t he? He couldn’t take the blame for coaxing the boy into the relationship.That, was of his own accord. Obi-wan made it clear that a relationship was not something he had wanted to pursue with the boy, even though Anakin did interest him in a very intimate way.

“I’m not a possession, Anakin,” he hissed at the younger jedi trying to push him a bit further off of his chest. “You can’t own someone.”

“ **I can** ,” Anakin said pinning Obi-wan’s arms to the side and kissing the older man’s neck. Obi-wan squirmed underneath Anakin, trying to get away, or was he really? For some reason, he found himself enjoying the fact that he didn’t have to think, that he didn’t have to make decisions, someone else had taken that from him, it was scary, but also very erotic. He felt the muscles in his belly contract at the thought. 

No one had been as forceful with him since his relationship with Quinlan. Obi-wan’s former lover had always been the dominate in their relationship and having Anakin act in a similar way, reminded Obi-wan of all those times they had spent together in the night. He missed the closeness of being with another man, not that his life had been empty in anyway, but this was something that he missed. If he let himself, which he knew he shouldn’t, Obi-wan knew that he wanted Anakin just as much as the younger man wanted him and the growing hardness between his legs made it almost impossible to deny.  
Anakin looked up at Obi-wan and smiled a long and luxurious smile similar to a predator which just caught his most prized prey and was getting ready to devour it. “Excited?”

Obi-wan said nothing and didn’t move, not wanting to give satisfaction to the younger jedi of knowing exactly how he was feeling. 

“That’s alright,” Anakin said loosening the hold he had on Obi-wan’s arms, “you will be.”

“What does that mean?” Obi-wan asked breaking his silence and raising his head to look at Anakin who had moved from his neck down to his belly where he was planting small kisses around Obi-wan’s belly-button.

“I just know what you like,” Anakin said a wider smile gracing his face. Although how it could get wider, Obi-wan wasn’t sure. 

“Being released is something I like,” Obi-wan said in a huffy tone, trying to let Anakin know that he was terribly upset about being held down.

“That wouldn’t do. You would try to get away and I don’t want you to get away.”

Sighing loudly, Obi-wan put his head back on the pillow and started thinking about anything he could to get his mind off of what of Anakin was doing. He was going through lightsaber drills in his head, over and over again. There had to be a way to stop the boy, maybe a swift kick to the head would do the trick.

“It wouldn’t make me stop,” Anakin said and laughed. “You can’t escape. I get the things I want.”

“Like the Senator?”

It was a low blow to Anakin’s ego, but Obi-wan was willing to use whatever he had to stop Anakin. The hurt passed quickly through Anakin’s eyes before he spoke.

“I got her, but I didn’t want her,” Anakin said smirking. “I had her many times, but you see there were other people I was interested in pursuing at the time.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t think I was thinking about her the whole time we were having sex, do you?”

It was over, Obi-wan thought to himself. There was no way to stop Anakin and there was no way to resist him. Every single word which escaped the younger man’s mouth, made Obi-wan more excited. Anakin had quite the effect on him and he hated it. He hated himself the most for what he was thinking about Anakin.

The younger jedi’s hands moved to Obi-wan’s waist and hooked in his sleep short’s waistband, pulling them down quickly and exposing Obi-wan’s growing erection. He flushed from head to toe, a bright red that shown against his pale skin. It was embarrassing to now be in front of Anakin in this state. Quickly Obi-wan tried to cover himself with his hands, but Anakin pinned them away, admiring the older jedi in a way that made Obi-wan squirm from the look.

Anakin bent his head and suckled gently on the head of Obi-wan’s erection. It was gentle and felt so warm, Obi-wan moaned loudly. It had been a long time since he had been in the company or a man or woman and it felt so good. Anakin sucked him further and Obi-wan struggled to get his hands free so that they could tangle in the younger jedi’s hair. 

Taking control, Anakin flipped Obi-wan over onto his stomach with one quick motion. The younger jedi pulled him up onto his knees, exposing his backside to Anakin. Quinlan had been the last one who had done this to him and in the swirl of anticipation, Obi-wan felt the pangs of missing his old love. They had spent so many nights together, wrapped in each other’s arms, wanting the world to change for their love. 

It wasn’t meant to be though and Obi-wan, in the pit of his stomach, knew what was happening now would be destined for the same fate. Anakin would be crushed when he was reassigned to a new master, which is what would come to pass if they were found out. But maybe Anakin had been right, and they wouldn’t be found out. Obi-wan knew this was wrong and he needed to stop Anakin, but his resolve was quickly fading under the eyes of the younger jedi.

“We can’t Anakin,” Obi-wan said trying to retrieve his sleep shorts and put them back on. “It doesn’t matter what we feel now, this isn’t right and you know it. I’ve taught you better.”

“I’ll take what I want,” Anakin said brutally pushing Obi-wan’s hands away from his shorts. He took the shorts and threw them on the floor out of Obi-wan’s reach. A very scary smile parted the younger jedi’s lips. Obi-wan was in over his head, he was sure.

“Don’t act like you don’t want this Obi-wan,” Anakin said in a snarling voice. “I’ll use force if I have to, but don’t make me go that far.”

It was a warning. Obi-wan knew the serious voice that Anakin was using, he had heard him use it before and it always sent shivers up his spine. There was no way he was going to get away from the boy, but in his stomach, he knew this was the end between them. Obi-wan would be the master to the outside world, but Anakin would dominate private times when they were together. He would be insatiable and demand things that were no where near what Quinlan had demanded of Obi-wan. Anakin would go far past the love that Obi-wan had for Quinlan and possess everything about the older jedi. 

He would no longer be.

Maybe this was the vision Anakin had about killing Obi-wan, because in the end, he would be dead on the inside. There was no going back. There was no taking this back. 

Anakin entered him and filled him in an instant. Obi-wan’s bucked with the contortions of orgasm. He felt the stickiness against his stomach. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Anakin, in fact he did want him, but it was the way he felt he was being humiliated that caused him the most anguish.

As Anakin moaned in pleasure and rhythmically drove himself into Obi-wan, the older jedi knew that there was a line in the sand which he was crossing to never return.

Could he throw himself wholeheartedly into a love affair with Anakin and not get burned by the passion and darkness that lingered there? Obi-wan wasn’t sure there was anyway to come out of it unscathed. His soul would be different, but he still wanted Anakin and the pounding the boy was giving him was far better than anything he could pay money for. So full of love and lust that Obi-wan closed his eyes and let himself experience it fully.

A moan escaped his lips as Anakin tangled a hand in his hair. For that moment, they were one.


	12. Darkness Calling

Sore wasn’t the word for how he felt. The proper term was run over by a landspeeder because his whole body ached. Ached in a way that he hadn’t felt in a very long time. 

Obi-wan was ashamed.

Where did the shame come from, Anakin would ask, if he had known what the older jedi was thinking. Obi-wan knew better than to be involved with someone so close to him. There were rules and the older jedi had sworn to uphold those rules when he had taken Anakin as his padawan. The council didn’t give you free license to do as you pleased. You had to uphold their teachings and take their reprimands when required.

This was something that was forbidden and considered a very dark place.

As he tried to roll over, Anakin’s sleeping form wouldn’t budge a testament to the night the night of exertion. Obi-wan climbed gingerly over the boy and stood in the middle of the room. He stretched his arms above his head trying to work the kinks out of his body from so much time in one position and from the brutal pounding that Anakin had delivered to him as the stickiness of his ass and stomach could attest to.

Obi-wan would have to talk to Anakin. It would have to be a very serious talk where Obi-wan didn’t let the younger jedi take over and control the issues. It was very important that the master stay in control.

It was time that the younger jedi knew things about Obi-wan that he maybe didn’t want to hear. The temptation and seductiveness that had once called to Obi-wan, asking him to do things that couldn’t be taken back. There was darkness in him, but Anakin didn’t know how dark it had truly been.

When Qui-Gon had been killed, Obi-wan knew more darkness than most jedi ever saw in their lifetimes. It was not the lightside that had called his master’s lightsaber to his hand so that he could slay Darth Maul. Oh, it was far from that and the life that ensued following those days was filled with behavior like what had transpired between Anakin and himself during the night. Obi-wan had given into the guilty pleasures of sex with multiple partners. He let the pain of Qui-Gon’s death and pleasure of the touch of another drive him.

The light hadn’t shined on Obi-wan for some time when he was finally jerked from the shadows that had invaded his soul.

**Anakin deserves a master that is present.**

The words had echoed through the darkness that surround Obi-wan and called to him. Quinlan always had a way of shaking him out of whatever was eating him inside and that was how their relationship flourished. Obi-wan had to listen and with those simple words, he had returned to serving the lightside of the force, but it was a hard lesson that he had learned.

The flesh was tempting and beautiful and pleasurable, but it also led to things that beckoned of the dark side.

Anakin had to understand. The darkness was so tempting and Obi-wan knew that Anakin was easily tempted. This was something that Obi-wan didn’t take lightly and he wanted Anakin to understand just how dead this would make them both feel inside.

He would have to understand. Obi-wan wouldn’t let this continue in the way it had during the night. He couldn’t let Anakin think that he was merely a thing to play with and to own. Obi-wan was a master jedi and he would act as one. Anakin would just have to deal with it.

“Awake already?” Anakin’s tired and thick voice came from the bunk. Obi-wan snapped his head around as he was drawn from his thoughts and back to the present. 

“I have therapy pretty early and then I thought I would try to get up to the bridge and see what was happening,” Obi-wan breathed in a voice which spoke of being caught doing something that was against the rules.

“You aren’t going to be going to the bridge today,” Anakin said, unfolding himself from the bunk and standing to his full height. He wasn’t menacing, Obi-wan thought, but some found his height and demeanor something to be scared of. He knew that the younger jedi wouldn’t willfully hurt him, although he wasn’t as steady in that belief after the previous night.

“Huh?” 

“You are on strict orders to stay out of battle until you are cleared by a doctor.”

Obi-wan hung his head, shoulders lowered and resigned himself to yet another day of doing nothing. He was able to at least give strategy briefings. That didn’t involve his leg at all.

“I am going to take a shower,” Obi-wan finally said and made his way to the refresher. Looking at himself in the mirror, he hated who he was at the moment. 

 

“We have to talk,” Obi-wan said bluntly as Anakin messed around their cabin. He couldn’t help but see the younger jedi’s look of pure elation considering the night they had together.

“Sure,” Anakin said pulling out the two chairs that sat at the small corner desk and beckoning Obi-wan to sit across from him. Obi-wan took the seat and Anakin’s hand was automatically on his leg. He wanted to shake it off, push him away, but after the previous night, it would’ve meant nothing.

“How much do you remember about your life after Qui-Gon’s death?” Obi-wan asked solemnly as he remembered what a dark time it had been for him.

“I remember that I was sad,” Anakin said slowly looking into Obi-wan’s eyes. “I remember that you were very sad.”

The thoughts of a child were amazing. When Anakin couldn’t put a finger on what was happening to Obi-wan, he had chalked it up to sadness, but that was very far from where Obi-wan had been at the time. The pain had consumed him and the dance with the dark side was the only thing that had filled his days and terrifying nights.

“Yes,” Obi-wan started slowly. “I was sad, but there was more. Do you remember more?”

Anakin shook his head no.

“I spent almost the first year after his death dealing with the fact that I used the dark side to kill Darth Maul,” Obi-wan said. Just saying the words was very painful, there were flashes of what he had been and how twisted he had become. 

“When they tell you about the dark side,” he continued, “they don’t tell you how sick it makes your soul. They speak of it in terms that you think you understand, but you have no idea until you are actually in the middle of it, how lonely and awful it is.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Anakin asked abruptly. “Do you think what we did last night has something to do with dark side? It doesn’t because I love you.”

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Obi-wan said frustrated that Anakin was once again trying to get the upper hand and not listening. He always tried to do this and Obi-wan was tired of it.

“I don’t want to know that feeling of darkness again Anakin. What we did, the way you controlled me, I feel as though the darkness has returned for me. You can’t understand how seductive it feels. It calls to me in a way it won’t call to other people because I’ve been there.”

Obi-wan stood from the chair and paced the very small room. 

“They kept me locked up while I struggled with the dark side. I was kept in a cell and there was nothing, and I mean nothing, that seemed more appealing than the dark side,” he finally said in a hiss. “I don’t want to know it again. Being bedfellows with the dark side can kill a jedi. It almost killed me.”

“Do you feel darkness from what we shared?” Anakin asked, not looking at Obi-wan this time. He could sense the younger jedi’s dejected feelings through their bond and struggled to push them away quickly. He didn’t want Anakin to influence his thoughts.

“I hear it calling me, like it did on Naboo and like it continued to do for many months. It is saying my name very clearly. Can’t you hear it?”


	13. Goodbyes

Obi-wan had known as soon as he saw the look in Anakin’s eyes that he had scared the younger man. Darkness was not easy to understand in others, but Anakin had plenty of darkness inside that Obi-wan always knew was lurking there. He understood and that was why he was so frightened. 

That was why Obi-wan now sat in a very sterile looking examination room and waited for the med droid to finish taking the last sample of blood. The little robot had been very talkative during the time and Obi-wan knew that he was just asking the standard psychological questions to see if the older jedi was losing it.

He was.

The darkness continued to tick away in the back of his mind. It was very appealing and asked him to do things that he otherwise wouldn’t even think about doing. Thankfully, the light was still winning and kept the dark pushed down. Obi-wan wasn’t sure that he would be able to continue this balance for much longer. He hung his head in defeat. 

This might be something from which he could never recover. He might be forced to leave the jedi order due to insanity. 

Obi-wan wasn’t ready to not be a jedi. He still had so much that he needed to teach Anakin. So much that he hadn’t told him while they were training. So many missed opportunities between them. How could he have let all of it slip by?

The door slid open and Anakin entered, his look was concerned and grim. He leaned against the far wall, arms crossed over his chest to block out whatever he perceived to be bad news.

“You okay?” he asked and Obi-wan nodded his head yes, but he really wasn’t sure that he would ever be okay again. He raised his head to look at his padawan.

“They want you to come back to the temple,” Anakin said looking straight into the depths of Obi-wan’s eyes. There was something about the way he looked, the way he was probing into Obi-wan’s soul that felt very strange. It was like he was trying to memorize everything about the moment before Obi-wan was torn from his grasp. That was dire indeed.

“What do you want?” Obi-wan asked finally.

“I don’t want to be apart from you,” Anakin said being very truthful and sighing. “I think that you need me more than you like to let on and that together, this is something that we could finish once and for all. I could drive the darkness from inside you, if you would let me.”

Anakin was a very strong person and Obi-wan sometimes did feel as though he leaned on the younger man for support and strength. There was such trust between them and, although he hated to admit it, love that wasn’t present with anyone else that Obi-wan had ever known. This was like nothing Obi-wan had ever known, even though he had known love with others. This was something completely different and much more spiritual.

“What did the council say?” Obi-wan finally asked after the small silence.

“They want me to be reassigned temporarily to another master and to continue in battle,” Anakin said and Obi-wan knew now that he was furious. It was buried under his concern, but there was that hotness to his tone that could always be attributed to the anger that he kept inside. 

“So what are you going to do?” he asked rising from the small cot and walking closer to the younger jedi. He reached out and put his hand on the boy’s crossed arms, trying to give him some comfort for his anger, although Obi-wan wasn’t sure that there was any to be had.

There was a flash in the younger jedi’s eyes and then he leaned his head down close to Obi-wan’s so that their foreheads were touching. Anakin’s breathing was rapid and ragged as though he was trying to fight some unforeseen opponent which twisted inside of his heart. Anakin’s body radiated a heat and passion that Obi-wan had previously not felt from the boy.

“I’ll do what they ask,” Anakin finally said, his voice very quiet and very tight with the anger that he was pressing so hard to keep inside. “I don’t like it though. If they put you in a fucking cell again, I’ll come to the temple and kill every single one of them.”

That was the darkness which laid inside of Anakin and Obi-wan knew that it was all about possession. Anakin had to rule him. Anakin had to own him and to Obi-wan’s chagrin, the boy did own him. There was nothing that he wouldn’t do for the boy. That would be Obi-wan’s undoing.

“Anakin,” Obi-wan said warningly, but quietly. “Calm down.”

Anakin’s breathing slowed and his jaw unclenched just enough that Obi-wan could see that he was starting to relax a little. He reached his hand up and placed it on his cheek, begging him without words to calm himself down.

“How can you be so calm?” Anakin asked the edge rising in his voice again.

“I’m a jedi, we are always calm,” Obi-wan laughed and patted Anakin on the cheek. It wasn’t what the boy wanted to hear and Obi-wan wasn’t really sure that he was all that calm thinking about the punishment that he would receive when he returned to the temple, but he had to be strong so that Anakin would be more willing to let him go.

<><>

They spent the night, alone, in their room. Anakin never let Obi-wan too far away from his grasp. He knew that the younger jedi just wanted one more night, one more minute, one more touch before the morning came and they would have to part. 

They had never really been apart for that long and it scared Obi-wan as well. Anakin had studied under other masters while in the temple, but Obi-wan had always been the last word in punishment or training. That was all about to change and Obi-wan feared that his place in the padawan life was being minimized. He didn’t want to be pushed out, but it was inevitable.

Master Plo Koon had been assigned to Anakin while Obi-wan was being evaluated on Coruscant. A good master, Obi-wan knew, but still he hated for the fate of someone he cherished so much to be left with someone else. Anakin could be a handful and Obi-wan wanted to make sure that Master Koon would handle him in a way that would still hold true to the way Obi-wan taught him.

“What you working on?” Anakin asked looking over Obi-wan’s shoulder as he continued to craft a message on the pad in his hand. The message was just a loose outline of some of things Anakin’s new master should watch for during his training. Obi-wan didn’t want to overstep what he should be telling a rather well respected master, but he felt that sometimes dealing with Anakin took a certain type of hand.

“Message for Master Koon,” Obi-wan said throwing the pad onto the small table and rubbing his eyes. He just didn’t know how to phrase all of the things that he wanted to say. It was hard to put into words exactly what he felt about training Anakin.

“I’ll be fine,” Anakin said rubbing Obi-wan’s bare shoulders. It felt so good and he could feel the tension releasing from his body. “Ouch, mechanical hand.” Anakin still had some control problems when he wasn’t concentrating.

“Sorry,” Anakin said sheepishly and started kneading more gently.

“Master Koon is a task master,” Obi-wan said getting back to the topic as he leaned back to look into Anakin’s face. “You better mind yourself.”

“I will be on my best behavior, I swear,” Anakin said and smiled leaning down and kissing Obi-wan on the lips. First a gentle kiss which deepened into a more passionate kiss filled with all the things that Anakin wanted to say to him. A lot was going to have to be left unsaid because of the situation they now found themselves in. 

“That is what I am worried about,” Obi-wan said after they broke apart, a small chuckle escaping his lips. 

The air between them was electric as Anakin’s hands moved from Obi-wan’s shoulders and down his chest, caressing his skin in a breathless whisper of fingers. The feeling was electric and Obi-wan closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation.

“Make love to me,” he finally said, the words almost a whisper into the silent room.

 


	14. Light Prevails

Obi-wan couldn’t remember exactly what day it was or how long he had been locked away in the temple, but it had been at least a week since he had been allowed to mingle with other members of the jedi order as per the orders of the healers. He was starting to detest their judgement in regards to what he should and shouldn’t be allowed to do.

“Master Kenobi,” Mace Windu said approaching Obi-wan. He was surely there to watch and make sure that Obi-wan didn’t make a scene during lunch time. There were many younglings and padawans running about the halls as they made their way to and from whatever class or practice they had.

“Master Windu,” Obi-wan said smiling, but not really feeling the smile. These people had treated him as an outcast since he had arrived back at the temple. It was true, they didn’t really have that much experience with rehabilitation from the darkside, but Obi-wan felt as though he was being punished for something that he couldn’t control. They had sent him to Naboo where he had first used the dark side. Obi-wan thought that they should share some in the blame.

“Would you like to join me for lunch?” Mace said folding his arms into the sleeves of his robe and looking down at Obi-wan as only he could.

“I was just heading that way,” Obi-wan said and gestured towards the grand doors which opened into the outdoor eating area of the temple. The room was buzzing with all kinds of sounds. Obi-wan had missed the interaction with other people in the temple. 

He really missed Anakin.

“So how are you feeling Obi-wan?” Mace asked as they gathered their respective lunches and went to sit under the shade of a large tree. 

There it was, the question that everyone wanted him to answer. He really didn’t know the answer though. Things had been getting better, but there was still that small part of him that felt a need for justification. The side of him that relished the idea of being drown in emotion. That was the part that he had worked so hard to contain all these years and it was the part that he feared Anakin had released inside of him again. Now he just had to get it back into the bottle and hide it away where it belonged.

“The healers believe that I’m in complete control of whatever darkness has returned,” Obi-wan said unwrapping a sandwich and looking around at all the younglings that were running and playing in the sunshine. To be carefree was something that was lost on the young. With age and time, the weight of the galaxy truly fell on the shoulders of those who were sworn to it’s peace. He hated the fact that these children would grow up knowing war. 

“Good news then?” Mace asked looking at Obi-wan expectantly. There was silence between them as Obi-wan considered what his answer might be to the other jedi master.

“I’ll tell you what you want to hear Mace,” he finally said sighing. “I can still feel the darkness, but it’s changed. It doesn’t call to me as it did and the seduction has lost its appeal. Light prevails, most of the time.”

Honesty was always from a certain point of view. Mace wanted to hear that he still struggled, but the truth was that Obi-wan felt as though that struggle was nearing an end. He would never truly rid himself of the darkness which he had used 10 years ago, but he knew that Mace would understand. He was one of the most talented jedi knights yet the fighting style that he chose made the user stand on the small line which marked the difference between light and dark. Obi-wan was sure that Mace knew what it was like to feel that darkness calling and could commiserate with the fact that Obi-wan would just have to learn to live with it.

“Sounds like they will be releasing you soon then,” the other jedi said as Obi-wan focused his attention on two younglings who were pretending to use sticks as lightsabers. They were far too young to have been given their own lightsabers, but he knew that younglings often pretended that they were older jedi. Obi-wan had watched Anakin do it many times in the courtyards with his peers. A smile spread across the older jedi’s face as he thought about that young child who had been entrusted to his care all those years ago.

“I hope to return to the front,” Obi-wan finally said, his attention returning to the other jedi master as they shared lunch.

“Seems your padawan has been giving the enemy a run for their money,” Mace said shaking his head. Obi-wan knew that he never trusted Anakin, but the jedi should learn to trust the person that they believed to be the chosen one. If he was going to be responsible for the fate of the jedi order, they should be treating him as though he was precious, not as he had been treated the whole time he was a youngling.

“I don’t doubt it,” Obi-wan said smiling rather proudly, although it was not the jedi way to take credit for the misfortune of other beings at the hand of your student.  Anakin had always been rather adept at  battle and tactics. He was sure that his padawan was making sure to make all of those Seps pay, but for what he wasn’t sure yet.

“He’ll be returning from the front tomorrow,” Mace said slipping it into the conversation as though it would be of little consequence to Obi-wan. But with Anakin’s return to Coruscant, Obi-wan was sure that he would be heading to the front again along with his padawan. So there was some light at the end of the tunnel.

“I’m sure that he will be glad to be away from the front momentarily to pick up his old master,” Obi-wan said and chuckled. Mace didn’t seem to share the joy in Obi-wan’s words, but pressed his lips together into a tight line. Mace never wanted to show that he thought anything of Anakin other than all the bad things. That was just his way. 

<><>

Obi-wan had been returned to his regular quarters late in the evening after he had been discharged from the healing ward. It had been three months since he had spoken to Anakin and six since the last time they had seen each other. He was sure that the boy had grown taller in Obi-wan’s absence. He seemed to be in a continual growth pattern since he hit puberty. He now looked down at Obi-wan when before he had merely been eye-to-eye with him.

Stretching his arms above his head, Obi-wan made his way to his bedroom. The room was just as he had left it when he had been called away to the war. The bed was neatly made with a small pile of neatly folded clothes at one end. Those were clothes that had been out to be laundered when they had switched to armor instead of tunics. Carefully Obi-wan picked them up from the bed and placed them on the small dresser. They could wait until tomorrow. He was tired from being poked and prodded before his release. 

With Anakin returning the next day, it was important for Obi-wan to get some rest because they would have a lot of things to catch up on before they shipped out. Obi-wan already had at least three briefings to go over on his pad. It would just have to wait though until he could focus on it more thoroughly.

They were trusting him so much by deeming him fit for service again. He really didn’t want to screw this whole thing up when he returned to service. The council would be watching his every move because that fear still lingered in the back of their minds. Obi-wan would have to be careful.

He sat on the soft bed and pulled his boot off, throwing them near the dresser. They landed with a thud. The living space was so quiet without Anakin around making all that noise that he made. Obi-wan missed having him around. 

Yawning, Obi-wan undressed and slid between fresh sheets, pulling the lush blanket up around his head and nestling into his pillow. He would have to really enjoy this because when they were back on the cruiser, there wouldn’t be his favorite pillow and the warmest blanket. Everything would be back to being utilitarian again. 

Things would be different.


	15. Punishment

Obi-wan didn’t wake when Anakin opened the door to the living quarters they shared. He didn’t notice when Anakin stalked down the hall towards his bedroom and he didn’t wake at all as the younger man undressed, throwing pieces of armor here and there on the floor.

It wasn’t until Anakin slid into the small bed next to Obi-wan that his sleep fog brain acknowledged the younger man.

“Mmmmm Anakin,” Obi-wan said not rolling over and not even opening his eyes. He merely felt the warmth of the other person in his bed and let the ebbing tide of sleep wash over him again as small kisses were planted on the back of his neck.

<><>

Obi-wan shot up in bed, alone. The light filtered in through the small gaps around the shade on the window and he rubbed his hands roughly across his face. It had been nothing more than a dream. Anakin wasn’t back yet, he thought as he swung his legs over the side of the bed.

The floor was littered with pieces of armor. How could that be? It had been a dream. Anakin wasn’t here now.

A sound flittered in through the partially cracked door and then the swearing. They were the same cuss words that Anakin often used in Huttese. He had broken something again. Obi-wan was never going to have a whole set of dishes that matched, ever again.

His feet hit the floor quickly and he rushed out into the small living area that adjoined the kitchenette. There, standing with nothing but shorts on, was Anakin. He had grown, Obi-wan thought. His hair was longer, his muscles more defined and when he turned to look at Obi-wan, there was a scar which ran down over his eyes. Just long enough to bring attention to it, but well healed, meaning that it wasn’t fresh.

“Anakin,” Obi-wan said unable to say anymore as the sound of his own padawan’s name caught in his throat. Maybe what they shared was over and Anakin had moved on to someone else. They had a bond, yes, but maybe he had found another.

It nagged at Obi-wan while Anakin was away, although he didn’t really ever want to think that it was bothering him.

“Master,” Anakin said rather formally. The sound of his voice was even better, but he seemed different. He was hardened, even more than Obi-wan had left him on that ship. The older jedi knew that he had seen things and those things were not always the easiest things to carry around in your soul. They made you different.

“It’s good to see you,” Obi-wan said, his voice not actually sounding like his own. Anakin seemed so much older, so much more mature. Anakin didn’t say anything as he continued to work around the kitchenette making breakfast. That was a change. Obi-wan usually was the one who made sure to keep them fed. Maybe being with Master Koon had done Anakin some good.

“I hope you are well,” Anakin finally said as he placed a small plate of toast on the table near the kitchen. He was so hard to read, so closed off that Obi-wan just wanted to shout at him to stop whatever he was doing. It felt like deafening silence somewhere in the force and it felt very dangerous.

“I am, thank you,” Obi-wan said not really knowing what else to do. He was acutely aware that he was standing in a pair of almost see through shorts in the middle of their living area. He wanted to turn on his heel and head back to his bedroom, but he wanted to see Anakin. It had been too long.

“You hungry?” Anakin asked indicating the table where he had placed the toast. Obi-wan nodded and then took his place at the table. Obi-wan took a piece of toast and Anakin put a cup of tea in front of him. He smiled gratefully at Anakin as the boy busied himself with the rest of the food in the kitchenette. Obi-wan ate hungrily and sipped at his tea.

Anakin sat down across from him and started putting some eggs onto each of their plates. He was quiet, far more than Obi-wan remembered him being, but maybe that was just the way that Master Koon had instructed him to be and it had become a habit. He was sure that the old Anakin would return in time, but Obi-wan missed him a little right now.

They busied themselves with breakfast, Obi-wan looking up now and then to make sure that Anakin was really there and he wasn’t dreaming still. Each time, Anakin would be busy shoving a forkful of eggs into his mouth as though he hadn’t eaten in weeks. Maybe things were harder on the front than the council was letting on.

Obi-wan finished quietly and rose from the table, putting his plate into the sink. He returned to his seat and began to finish off his tea. Anakin looked up from his food and gave Obi-wan a quick once over from top to bottom. Obi-wan felt as though he should be uncomfortable with the way he was being looked at, but it was the most that the boy had acknowledged him since he had gotten up from bed.

Anakin was fast as he stood from his chair, his arm brushing all of the dishes, cups and condiments from the table in one swoop of his arm and the clatter of china hitting tiled floors.. In the next instant, Obi-wan was laying on his back on the table, Anakin straddling his hips and smiling like a predator who had just gotten his first catch of the day. There was no time to speak, not time to breathe as Anakin’s mouth hungrily found his, their lips pressing together in hot passion which had waited far too long to be satisfied.

Anakin forced his tongue into Obi-wan’s mouth and he moaned loudly at the prospect of being completely possessed by Anakin again and again. It had taken time, but Obi-wan had come to terms with the fact that he was owned by Anakin and that his body would always crave the touch of the younger man. This time alone had been hell on them both, he was sure.

Pulling away, Anakin looked at Obi-wan, his lips plump and wet with desire. He was all that Obi-wan could want and he couldn’t believe that he had held out for so long. 

“Who have you been with?” Anakin demanded, his tone turning darker as he spoke accusing Obi-wan of being unfaithful in a relationship that he didn’t even know he was involved in and have never made any commitment to before leaving the war.

“No one,” Obi-wan said his eyes wide at the thought of Anakin being jealous the whole time he had been away. The Seps surely paid if that was the thought that was running through the young jedi’s mind while he was fighting. Obi-wan was sure that it had been very brutal. He could see now the fire flash in the young man’s blue eyes even now when he was safe and at home on Coruscant.

“Have you touched yourself? Brought yourself pleasure with your own hands?” Anakin asked, the look on his face darkening again.

“Have you?” Obi-wan retorted, always unable to totally commit to being subservient to another.

“I’m asking the questions,” Anakin said squeezing his legs together and pressing into Obi-wan more. He felt his breath catch a little as he struggled to stay in a place of complete peace. “Have you fucked your hand?”

“Yes,” Obi-wan admitted not looking Anakin in the eye. For some reason the idea of touching himself while thinking about Anakin was harder to admit than just talking about sleeping with him. It was the old ways that he had grown up with in the temple. Things were talked about more freely when Anakin was growing up and that made them easier for the younger padawans to talk about. Obi-wan didn’t have that same luxury and he felt ashamed that he had fallen into habits which would have been considered inappropriate.

“I think you deserve to be punished,” Anakin snarled leaning close to Obi-wan’s face. Punished, what did he mean? Obi-wan was almost too afraid to find out.

Anakin dismounted him and flipped him over on the table. He pulled Obi-wan down until his feet were on the floor and his upper body was still bent over the table. He tried to move his arms, but Anakin blocked him with his own weight.

“Stretch your arms out to the side,” Anakin said in a commanding tone. Obi-wan obeyed stretching his hands out to the side so that his fingertips curled easily over the edge of the table. 

With a loud thwack Obi-wan felt Anakin’s mechanical hand smack against his backside. Anakin was spanking him. The revelation shocked Obi-wan, but somehow he found the idea very alluring. 

“How many times?” Anakin asked, his hand presumably held up waiting for the answer. Obi-wan didn’t dare turn his head to even look for fear of more punishment.

“What?”

“How many times Master?”

“I don't know, 10.”

The hand cracked down again and again, Anakin counting every single time that he landed a blow against Obi-wan’s stinging flesh. He tried not to flinch or give him any reason why he should continue to be punished. The older jedi never cried out and he bit his bottom lip to stop the moans of pleasure from escaping. He didn’t want Anakin to know that he was getting so aroused by a spanking, although he was sure that was what Anakin had planned all along.

When the final blow had landed, Anakin released him and he stood, his backside stinging. Luckily Anakin had worked hard to learn how to control his mechanical hand or Obi-wan would have been broken into pieces.  

Anakin’s eyes took him in again Obi-wan shifted to try to hide the growing hardness between his legs as he felt the blush start to rise on his skin. He was sure that he was pink all over his chest.

“You don’t have to hide from me Obi-wan,” Anakin said taking his hands and squaring the older jedi’s hips so that he could take in Obi-wan. “When we are in these quarters or any quarters that we share, you will do as I wish. I promise when we are in public, I will continue to be your padawan, but here, when we are alone, I am in control. Do you understand?”

Obi-wan nodded his head in confirmation.

“I don’t think I heard your answer,” Anakin said his voice darkening.

“Yes,” Obi-wan said strongly.

“That’s better. I wouldn’t have to give you more punishment.”

Obi-wan squirmed as he thought about Anakin’s hand landing on his ass again and again, aggravating the swelling that he was sure was already there. This was what Anakin found pleasurable. The boy who had been a slave wanted to treat someone as he had been treated. He wanted to feel that power that others got to feel over him. Obi-wan would agree to his terms, but he was sure that he wouldn’t be able to hold his tongue at times.

Those would surely be the times that Anakin enjoyed the most.


	16. Rules

“Here are the rules,” Anakin said as they stood in the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest and broken dishes strewn across the tile floor near their feet. Anakin had evidently spent many hours considering how he was going to treat Obi-wan when they were reunited. Their six months apart were put to good use on his end and to Obi-wan’s chagrin he would have to start following rules.

“You will never touch yourself unless I’m present,” Anakin started ticking off a finger for the first rule. “I will do the same. I want to save myself for you and you alone.”

The smile Anakin was giving him looked as though he could consume Obi-wan at any minute, but he merely stood listening to what Anakin laid out for him. He had resigned himself to the fact that things were going to be different now that he had sucumb to the wants and wishes of his padawan. 

“You will wear these and only these when we are alone,” Anakin said producing a wadded up piece of black silkie material in his outstretched palm. Obi-wan eyed the offering, but didn’t move to take them. Where in the name of sith had the boy found anything that would look the way that small ball looked in his hand? Surely he hadn’t made some sort of pantie run in the middle of the war. Obi-wan shook his head no. There were some things that he just couldn’t bring himself to do and he was pretty sure this was one of those things.

“Take them,” Anakin said a more forcefully this time shoving his hand towards Obi-wan.

“This is ridiculous Anakin,” Obi-wan said shaking his head no again.

“I don’t care what you think it is,” Anakin snarled and took Obi-wan’s arm roughly. He shoved the cloth into Obi-wan’s hand and then spun him around bending him over the table again. Roughly he shoved Obi-wan’s chest into the table, pressing firmly on his back. “Put your arms to the sides.”

Obi-wan did as instructed, his fingers curling around the lip of the table again and the small piece of cloth lay inches from the edge of the table. The sound of Anakin’s hand hitting his backside and the subsequent pain it inflicted coursed through Obi-wan’s body. The table scraped across the floor with the first hit and then a little further with the second blow.

“Now what is the rule?” Anakin asked as he leaned on Obi-wan more, letting the breath slip from his lungs. He was sure that Anakin’s hand was up just waiting to come down and make contact with his ass again. Obi-wan shook his head no again. Thwack. 

“The rule?” Anakin questioned.

Obi-wan refused to speak and merely lay completely still.

Thwack.

“Say it Master,” Anakin said through gritted teeth. “Tell me that you will do whatever pleases me.”

Obi-wan was at a crossroads. He never had wanted to give himself completely away and lose all that he was just to be with another person. If you lost yourself, how would you ever make the other person better? Yet, inside he knew that Anakin would never want him to stop being who he truly was when they were together. The resistance that Anakin often met from Obi-wan was the most enticing thing to the younger jedi. He was sure that if he completely did everything Anakin asked without ever resisting that he would lose interest.  

Thwack.

“Not fast enough. What is the rule?”

“Fine! I’ll wear what you have provided when we are alone.”

Anakin released Obi-wan and handed him the balled up piece of clothing. Obi-wan uncrumpled what turned out to be a pair of black silken shorts. They were far shorter than anything Obi-wan had ever worn that wasn’t underclothing. He grimaced at the idea of having to wear them. Who knew where they came from and who had worn them before. 

“What are you waiting for?” Anakin asked raising his eyebrows at the older man in expectation. Obi-wan slipped his sleep shorts off and pulled the black shorts on. They barely covered anything and strained against the his ever growing erection. Anakin smiled as he walked around Obi-wan and admired him from every angle. Obi-wan merely stood with his arms crossed over his chest and huffed at the idea of being inspected.

“Perfection,” Anakin whispered near his ear and then returned to stand in front of him. “The final rule is far easier. We will share a bed, no matter where we are.”

Well that one was better at least, Obi-wan thought to himself. He was sure that he wouldn’t be punished for misstepping on that one. He wanted to be close to Anakin, to ward off the feelings that sometimes reared their heads in the night. 

“Now,” Anakin said pulling Obi-wan to him so that their bodies pressed seductively to each other. “I want to hear you calling my name.”

The kiss was passionate and the force swirled around them as they spent several minutes exploring each other’s mouths, hands roaming over bodies which had been apart for too long. There was no more talk about rules and punishment. They were merely together. 

Anakin moved Obi-wan to the table again and bent him over it again. This time though there was no threat of punishment, just pure pleasure. He could feel Anakin poised to enter him and the anticipation grew inside of the pit of his stomach. They had made love right before he had left the front lines, but this was a reunion and he was sure that Anakin had anticipated every single moment of it during their time apart as well. 

Then they were intertwined. Anakin leaned over him, hands resting on the table for leverage as he drove into Obi-wan again and again. The fervor of his pace denoted the fact that it had been some time for him. Obi-wan moaned as Anakin’s hands kneaded skin which had been reddened by blows delivered by his own hands.  The feeling of being with Anakin was like nothing he would ever know again. The whole galaxy thrummed between them and Obi-wan noticed that things started to come into focus more clearly. Edges of objects glowed slightly blue and the world seemed crystal clear.

That had never happened to him before.

Anakin pulled at his hair, making his head tip backwards and the table began a rhythmic scraping across the floor as Anakin continued to drive into him quickly. The younger jedi released Obi-wan’s hair and reached around his waist, fondling him roughly. A moan escaped Anakin first and then Obi-wan joined in with a chorus with his own throaty moan. 

As Anakin stroked him and continued to fill him again and again, Obi-wan found his body taut with pleasure. There was nothing like being owned and there was nothing more pleasurable than feeling Anakin inside of him. 

“Oh kriff,” Obi-wan moaned loudly as he found himself on the precipice of complete release.

“Not yet,” Anakin panted and slowed his pace, removing his hand from Obi-wan’s shaft. The older jedi groaned and let his forehead hit the table with a loud thud. He only sought release.

“Anakin please,” Obi-wan begged. It was very unbecoming and uncivilized, but Obi-wan wanted it. He had never wanted anything like he wanted to come now and at the hands of his own padawan. The delicious feeling of his stomach tightening as his body contracted with orgasm. Obi-wan wanted it now and would do anything that Anakin wished to achieve it.

“Turn over,” Anakin instructed pulling himself out of Obi-wan. Obi-wan obliged quickly and hopped up on the table, his ass close to the edge where Anakin would be able to access it. “I want to look at your face while I fuck you.”

With a grunt, Anakin pulled Obi-wan’s legs back and entered him. The look on Anakin’s face was enough to send Obi-wan over the edge and he spilled the stickiness on his stomach. This was becoming a terrible habit. Anakin took his fingers and wiped the come from Obi-wan’s stomach and then licked his fingers clean with a smile.

Damn, Anakin was hot in a way that Obi-wan would never be able to completely understand. The dark and brooding type had always attracted him, but Anakin was far more than just dark and brooding. He was a soul which had seen torment and had overcome so much to become the man he was now.

Moaning forcefully, Anakin shuddered and stilled himself. Silently he pulled his shorts back up and helped Obi-wan from the table. They were both spent in a way that was pleasurable.

“Quick nap?” Obi-wan asked as he slipped into his black shorts again. 

“Agreed,” Anakin smiled and took Obi-wan’s hand. They went to his bedroom where armor pieced still littered the floor. He was going to have the talk with Anakin again about keeping his area clean, but it could wait until later. 

They slipped between the sheets and Obi-wan snuggled close into Anakin. Here inside their private time, Obi-wan didn’t have to the strong one anymore. He could leave that in Anakin’s capable hands where he knew that he would always be taken care of no matter the circumstances. Together they were strong, he just hoped they were strong enough to hide what they had together. It would be key to survival.


	17. Warning

The door chime sounded, waking Obi-wan from his peaceful slumber. Awkwardly he climbed over a snoring Anakin and grabbed a pair of pants, sliding them on over the black silk shorts he had been ordered to wear. Obi-wan hurried to answer as it chimed again. Insistent weren’t they?

Reaching the door switch, Obi-wan pressed it and the door swished aside to reveal Master Koon standing on the other side of the threshold. Obi-wan hated that he couldn’t read the other’s eyes, hidden behind goggles. His intentions were also shrouded from the force and it sent a shiver up Obi-wan’s spine. This couldn’t be good news.

“Master Koon,” Obi-wan said bowing out of respect. He felt naked with no shirt covering his body and immediately crossed his arms over his chest trying to hide his bare chest from the other.

“Master Kenobi,” Plo Koon's deep voice resounded. “I hope I am not disturbing you.”

“No,” Obi-wan shook his head and stepped back to invite Plo into his home. “Please come in.”

The other jedi master entered the living area and Obi-wan held his breath. Anakin had not taken the time to clean the mess off the floor or replace the table from where it scrapped across the tile during their quick fuck. He hoped Master Koon wouldn’t notice the mess.

“Your droid not keeping up with the cleaning?” Plo asked turning his head towards the mess on the floor.

“An accident,” Obi-wan said sighing. “I haven’t had time to clean it up yet. Please have a seat. Would you like some tea?”

Master Koon made his way to the sofa in the main living area and sat down.

“I’m fine,” he said. “Come have a seat. We have a lot to discuss.”

Obi-wan froze inside as he made himself cross the small distance to and sit down across from Plo in the only other chair in the small seating area. This could not be good at all. What had Anakin done?

“Do you take me for a fool?” the other jedi started out and Obi-wan couldn’t stop the look of shock from crossing his face.

“I don’t understand Master Koon,” Obi-wan said a bit befuddled by the question and completely taken off guard.

“Anakin is a far more skilled jedi then you are letting on to the council,” Plo said and Obi-wan let out a sigh. Okay, so this wasn’t about something Anakin had done or what was going on between them. That was a relief. Obi-wan though he felt his heart start beating again inside his chest.

“I have never been deceitful about his ability,” Obi-wan said, some of the wetness returning to his mouth. “They know he is powerful, but don’t chose to see the potential this gives him. They have often said he was too old to be trained and I think they hold it against him.”

Plo nodded in agreement. Obi-wan had always felt the council’s prejudice when it came to Anakin and the age he began training. They weren’t the best at hiding the fact that Anakin was resented because of his abilities and because he might just be the Chosen One.

“Also the fact Master Jinn was the one who discovered him,” Plo said quietly. “They always did hold his contempt against you and now Anakin.”

It was Obi-wan’s turn to nod in agreement. Qui-Gon had always been a rebel. The council had often reprimanded him for his ideas and his teachings. Obi-wan had tried to talk some sense into him, but he always said he was following the living force and Obi-wan should try to do the same. Qui-Gon never saw the problem with marching to his own drummer.

“I think you methods have been adequate with Anakin,” Plo said raising Obi-wan from his thoughts about Master Jinn. “I think he should take the next step though. I think you should recommend him for the trials.”

“The trials?” Obi-wan asked, his heart leaping into his throat. If he recommended Anakin for the trials now, they would no longer live together and they would no longer share a bed. There would be space between them and inside the space, jealousy could grow. It was not a situation Obi-wan was prepared to find himself in.

“It’s your judgement, but I feel he is very ready,” Plo said. “You have to let him go.”

Obi-wan peered at the other jedi. The sentence was very peculiar and the delivery had a very secretive tone to it. Was there more Master Koon wanted to say?

“I don’t understand your meaning,” Obi-wan said before he could stop himself. He should have just let it go and not gotten into a discussion with Plo about what he meant. 

“There is a bond between the two of you many find dangerous,” the other jedi said cryptically. “I, for one, don’t see the problem, but I am not the only one who has noticed.”

Fear shot through Obi-wan. Had he been so blatant with his glances and feelings? This was not something he wanted to hear. He and Anakin should be left alone. Although the council and the jedi order feared attachment, Obi-wan knew with Anakin it made him a better jedi. He was focused and the light pushed the dark away. It would save them both from the darkness or that was what Obi-wan wanted to believe.

“We are master and padawan,” Obi-wan said dryly, “of course we have a very close bond.”

“If that is what you believe.”

“Who is talking?”

“I’m sorry Master Kenobi, but the council meetings are not for general population consumption. This is your warning, but you can choose to do as you wish with the information I have given you. They didn’t want me to warn you at all, but I feel you should be given a chance to reconcile this problem. You are far too good of a jedi to have to step down.”

...

“You’re sure he used the word ‘warning?’” Anakin asked Obi-wan for the second time. The frustration in his voice was evident, but Obi-wan didn’t blame him this time.

“Yes!”

The look on Anakin’s face was one of hatred. He had always held the council and the jedi order in a place of contempt. Obi-wan knew Anakin had often questioned if the jedi order was right for him. This had probably sealed the deal in Anakin’s mind.

“Recommend me for the trials,” Anakin said flatly. “It won’t change anything.”

“It will,” Obi-wan said and rubbed a hand across his face. He was tired, even though he had slept plenty. “You haven’t had the responsibilities of a full fledge knight yet, Anakin.”

“I don’t care Obi-wan,” Anakin said and pulled the older jedi into his arms. “This won’t be different. I will make sure of it.”

Obi-wan wanted to believe him, but there was a nagging feeling inside of his heart. They would be apart and for Anakin being apart meant there would be doubt. It would be a doubt that could tear them apart. Anakin wanted to possess Obi-wan, but at a distance, that would be difficult.


	18. Struggle

Obi-wan nodded off, but it was just for minute. His arms and legs were starting to cramp from being tied to a chair. Anakin refused to release him. Obi-wan wasn’t sure how long he had been forced to endure this punishment, but it seemed like days.

Anakin wasn’t happy with him when he came home from his first mission as a knight to find Obi-wan was not following his rules. He was dressed inappropriately for the younger jedi’s taste and it angered Anakin. Now Obi-wan got to reap the consequences of failing to do as Anakin requested prior to leaving on his mission.

It had been a long night.

He shivered. The room was not overly cold, but his lack of clothes made the chill settle onto his limbs that hadn’t moved in some time. Another shiver ran through his body and his teeth chattered.

“Can I have a blanket?” Obi-wan asked into the dim room. He could feel Anakin not far away, hiding in the shadows, waiting, watching and enjoying himself at the thought of Obi-wan being punished.

“You don’t deserve a blanket,” Anakin growled from Obi-wan’s right side, hidden deep in the shadows of the room’s corner.

“Really?”

The smack landed across Obi-wan’s face quickly. The force had warned him, but there was nothing he could do to defend himself. Whatever happened to Anakin while he was gone, left him darker and quick to temper. Obi-wan reached out with the force, trying to soothe Anakin’s mind, but he was met with shields closed so tightly, nothing could escape. Blast him for teaching the younger jedi how to use those so well.

Struggling against the ropes wrapped around his chest and legs, Obi-wan tried to shift into another position. He was going numb in places he didn’t know he even had, the pins and needles of awakening flesh irritating him.

“Stop moving,” Anakin growled again from the shadow. The demand in his voice was palpable in the small room. Obi-wan shivered again, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or the sound of Anakin’s voice.

“You’re hurting me,” was the only response Obi-wan could think of. Maybe he could appeal to Anakin’s love for him and get untied.

“You have to be punished.”

“I’ve learned my lesson. Let me get up and stretch and use the refresher. I swear I will let you tie me back to this chair.”

“Refresher?”

“Anakin I’ve been sitting here for hours.”

“And you’ll sit until I think you have learned your lesson. Maybe you would prefer another spanking?”

Obi-wan sighed. He’d already had two before getting tied to the chair. He wasn’t sure his backside could take another, it felt sore against the rough wood of the seat. It was better just to sit and try not to think about how badly he had to go to the refresher. If he thought about it, he would have to go more.

“Oh, not thinking about it won’t help,” Anakin cooed from his hiding place, reading Obi-wan’s mind again. Obi-wan rolled his eyes. “I want to see you lose complete control, Master.”

“What?” Obi-wan asked the ridiculousness of what Anakin was saying creeping into his response. He didn’t want to believe what he heard the younger man suggesting.

“You heard me.”

“Okay, I don’t know where you get your twisted idea of what a turn on is, but this isn’t one of them.”

“I didn’t say it would turn me on. I want to see you finally give up that last ounce of control you always seem to have, no matter how much you tell me you have let go completely. This would be something you can’t control.The final step in giving yourself completely to me.”

Obi-wan’s eyes grew wider as he thought about what Anakin was saying. He didn’t want to do it and he would just use the force to make sure he could keep himself from pissing. It would be easy, it had to be easy. Anakin was asking him to go into a place he wasn’t comfortable with and Obi-wan didn’t like it. The whole scenario was starting to wear very thin on him and his temper wanted to flare, but Obi-wan calmed himself. It would do no good to be angry. Another tactic might work better on Anakin.

“Stop please,” Obi-wan said pleading with Anakin now. It was so below him, but he didn’t want this to happen between them. Once this happened there was no turning around and going back to what they were before. There was no forgetting. The memory would always be with them and Obi-wan didn’t like that idea. He was embarrassed just by the thought.

“The more you beg the more I’m determined for you to lose control,” Anakin said stepping out of the shadow and closer to Obi-wan. He felt the younger jedi’s breath against his cheek as he leaned to speak into his ear. “I won’t judge you.”

“It’s not about you judging me. It’s about me doing something I don’t want to do. Is that what you want from me Anakin? Do you want me to do things I don’t want to?”

Anakin laughed a hearty laugh at Obi-wan’s words. “That is something I could’ve asked you for years.”

Obi-wan let a smile slip across his lips as he remembered all the times he told Anakin to do things he didn’t want to do. There had been struggles between them. They had a battle of wills almost everyday. Anakin was a better jedi because of it too. Obi-wan pushed him to places he never thought he would be able to go. Look how strong he had become and how powerful he was in the force. Obi-wan was proud of him and the education all that pushing earned for Anakin.

“I won’t let you win,” Obi-wan finally said narrowing his eyes at the other jedi.

“I doubt you will have a choice when I’m done,” Anakin hissed.

Obi-wan nudged the force, finding the ropes and feeling their outline. Without moving a muscle, he started working on one of the knots near his ankle. It was tough, but he felt the rope starting to slack as the knot loosened.

“Do you think I can’t feel you doing that?” Anakin asked, a smirk spreading across his face. Obi-wan felt like a school child being scolded for cheating on a test.

“You didn’t say I couldn’t try,” Obi-wan said trying to make light of the situation.

The smack on his thigh was as quick as the one across his face. He didn’t even really see Anakin move from in front of him. The pain radiated quickly up his leg and into his numbing toes bringing a new level of uncomfortable to his limb.

“Stop trying,” Anakin said and bent down to retie the knot. Obi-wan felt the ropes cutting deeply into his flesh as Anakin pulled them hard.

“Ouch,” Obi-wan said pathetically.

“Now how long do you think you can sit here?”

Obi-wan didn’t reply. He didn’t want Anakin to win and would do everything he could to stop it. There were just some things he wouldn’t resign himself to and pissing himself in front of Anakin was one of them.  

“Just let go,” Anakin cooed.

“I won’t.”

“You’ll have to at some point.”

Obi-wan rolled his eyes again and tried not to think about how uncomfortable he was getting. There had to be a way to talk Anakin out of this, short of doing what he asked.

“I know you’re embarrassed,” Anakin said finally after a short silence.

“Wouldn’t you be if you were in my place?”

Anakin shrugged making no commitment either way.

“I’ll close my eyes,” Anakin offered.

Obi-wan groaned. It wasn’t the fact that Anakin was watching. It was the fact that he was a grown man letting himself be manipulated by someone else. It was humiliation and Obi-wan didn’t want to be humiliated. In this relationship, he needed to keep an ounce for self-respect, even if it was just an ounce. Spankings were humiliating enough for the older jedi.

What choice did he have though? Anakin was powerful and in the position of dominance. Obi-wan would have to give in to him soon because he couldn’t hold it much longer.

“You’ll have to clean up the mess,” Obi-wan said trying to appeal to Anakin again for release.

“Like I’ve never had to clean anything before in my life,” Anakin smiled. “Just lose control, Master. There is no shame in it.”

Obi-wan shook his head no. He still was holding out hope that he could talk Anakin out of this insanity.

“Please,” Anakin finally said looking Obi-wan in the eyes. “You can’t keep being in control all the time. To love me, you have to let go.”

“Because you want it? Maybe I like being in control of myself,” Obi-wan spat at him.

Anakin shook his head at Obi-wan.

“You just don’t understand do you?” the younger jedi asked. “Knowing you would do this for me means you are willing to lose yourself in me and with me. You are willing to give yourself completely to me with no questions asked. When the time comes Obi-wan, people will question us and I have to know you will always be at my side. I have to know there is nothing that would make you walk away from me.”

“I’m always by your side Anakin,” Obi-wan said quietly. “This shouldn’t change anything about our relationship. You know I love you and your doubt is not something I take lightly. I’ve shown you that I’m willing to risk everything just to be with you. Isn’t that enough for you?”

Anakin narrowed his eyes at the other man and crossed his arms over his chest again. Obi-wan knew there was no way out of this humiliation that would make Anakin feel somehow superior and as though he could control the older man. But Obi-wan was possessed by Anakin. There was no part of him that wouldn’t give everything for the younger man. He basically gave away his beliefs in the jedi order just to feel the passion of the other man. It was not something he felt completely steady about, but being possessed was so enticing to him and he found the allure too much to fight against.

“You love me?” Anakin finally asked, the sound of his words innocent in a way Obi-wan hadn’t heard in many years. It was the man he knew before the war and it was the man Obi-wan knew he loved the most. It was the real Anakin.

“I do.”

The bindings released from Obi-wan’s extremities and he felt the blood starting to flow back into his fingers and toes, the prickling of flesh regaining blood filling his body. Anakin took Obi-wan in his arms, gently this time, and kissed him, chastely, but passionately.

Their bond was sealed.


	19. Separation

“Why?” Obi-wan asked as Anakin rummaged through his duffel bag again, looking to make sure that everything was picked up from Obi-wan’s neatly kept bedroom floor. There was haste in the way Anakin moved, as though he didn’t want to take the time to explain exactly what was happening in his life.

The trials changed Anakin. Although he said it wouldn’t change anything about their relationship, it had. Obi-wan felt the difference in the bond between them and it didn’t matter how many times he tried to mend their bond, there was always something there, blocking his way. Anakin was keeping secrets and Obi-wan didn’t like anything but truth from the man he considered his love.

“I just think it would be better,” Anakin said as he shoved yet another shirt into the bag.

Obi-wan stepped in between the boy and the bag, putting his hands on Anakin’s shoulders, trying to stop the frenzy of action that was happening. This was unacceptable, but Anakin seemed to be pushing his way past whatever pain he was feeling and doing what he wanted. It was yet another time he didn’t take into account what Obi-wan was feeling.

“You can stand there,” Anakin said and put his hands on his hips, “But it won’t change this. You can’t make me believe this isn’t for the best.”

“I never wanted you to move out,” Obi-wan said and huffed at the other man. It all felt as though it was just out of his reach, his fingertips wishing to grasp at the feelings he knew were there. Obi-wan just couldn’t seem to wrap his fingers around the edges and pull it back to him. Out of control wasn’t something Obi-wan wanted to feel in his life, but everything with Anakin seemed to going in that direction.

“It’s just three doors down,” Anakin said and reached around Obi-wan, throwing the shirt on top of the open duffle. “I’m not moving off world.”

“Three doors, three hundred light years,” Obi-wan said. “It doesn’t matter. You promised this wouldn’t change you and you are different.”

There, he’d said exactly what was on his mind. Stepping out of the way of the other man, Obi-wan sat on the edge of his bed. He didn’t want to beg Anakin to stay. That wasn’t what it was all about. Anakin should want to stay of his own will. If Obi-wan made him stay, he would resent it. If he let him leave, Obi-wan would hate himself. There was no good answer. 

Somehow he knew this was all the fault of the council. They were using Anakin to watch Obi-wan and now the pressure was getting to the young jedi. How could they expect someone so close to spy? 

It was the same thing that happened with Quinlan, although Obi-wan was the one at the time who was asked to spy on the rogue jedi. He still remembered the look in Quinlan’s eyes when he found out that Obi-wan was reporting to his master on just what was happening between them and the emotional state of the other jedi. It was betrayal and it was heartbreak. The hurt in those eyes still seemed to take the air from his lungs.

Anakin turned to look at Obi-wan as he felt his breathing growing quicker. 

“What is it?” the tall jedi asked and came to sit on the end of the bed with Obi-wan, his arm wrapping instinctively around Obi-wan. There was his safe space and with Anakin moving out, the space seemed to be going away. He would be alone.

“I know what they want you to do,” Obi-wan said, his voice thick with the tightening of his airway. “I’ve been asked to do the same thing and it killed the relationship I had with Quinlan.”

Obi-wan felt the anger wash over Anakin. Quinlan was a sore point with the younger jedi, although he wasn’t even in the picture as a lover at the time. There was something about Obi-wan’s previous encounters that brought pain to Anakin. He was never good enough unless he was the only one and with Obi-wan Anakin knew that there was someone before.

“They aren’t asking me any questions,” Anakin finally said through gritted teeth. “You are paranoid.”

“Am I?”

That was the breaking point for Anakin. His eyes blazed and there was a rage there that hadn’t been present only weeks before. Something changed Anakin while he was away on his missions for the council. There was something nagging inside of him that he just wouldn’t let free. If only he would talk about it, maybe Obi-wan could help the other man.

“What has happened to you?” Obi-wan managed to say.

“There have been some incidents,” Anakin finally sighed, hanging his head in his hands as he leaned over the bed. “Some jedi who have not been happy to do what has been asked of them. The council has asked that I take care of these jedi.”

Obi-wan’s mouth gaped open and he couldn’t even bring himself to think of what Anakin was asked to do in the name of the council. This was not the mission for someone who touched the darkness so easily. It was sure to send him over the edge and make it impossible for him to return. Anakin was being asked to turn his back on people who were his friends.

“You are the assassin they’ve been talking about?” Obi-wan finally asked, his words hushed. It was only a rumor around the temple at first, but more and more jedi were talking about the one who came to steal the lives of those that displeased the council. He was said to be a dark jedi that only those in high power knew the identity of and now Obi-wan was faced with the person he loved, killing others.

It was too much to think of the jedi he trained turning into a terrible weapon. And now it was eating the other man from the inside. The blackness of his heart was only offset by the fact that there was light to balance him. Obi-wan was his balance. He was being used just as Anakin was being used.

The council knew all too well what was transpiring between them and it was working to their advantage at the moment.

“You….” Obi-wan started and stopped when Anakin shot him a glare that would kill another man. This man wasn’t the person he had known merely a year ago. Where was the boy who stayed awake at night listening to his music box? That person was long gone, buried by the weight of death and bloodshed. Obi-wan felt slighted that he would never be able to see that person again.

“Don’t lecture me,” Anakin said crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I won’t,” Obi-wan said. “I don’t think there is anything I can say.”

The hurt in Anakin’s face was easy to see, but there was also a strong pain behind it. Obi-wan knew the dreams had returned, even if they let up for some time. Anakin always said that he would kill Obi-wan and now it seemed as if those dreams were going to come true. Obi-wan was not in line with what the jedi were doing and he would soon become a thorn in the council’s side.

Anakin must already know that Obi-wan was going to be a target soon and he was merely pulling away to make it easier for him. Still it felt as though there was an emptiness inside of Obi-wan just thinking about Anakin moving out of the apartment they shared for so many years.

It hurt and he hated to admit it.


End file.
